(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
你认为他们会来么？ Will they come?
啊，会来的。他们当然会来。 They'll come.
拿去，贴上寄出去吧。 Here. Stamp those and mail them.
听到铃声了。 It's ringing.
亲爱的，把马龙（狗名）牵远点好么？ Please walk Myron over there.
这么大的雾，我的腿看起来有点像树。 My leg looks like a tree in this fog.
竟然在这种鬼地方迷路了! What a godforsaken spot to get lost.
是啊，刚才我瞅见一个地方，比这儿好多了。 We passed a better spot.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
喂？ Hello?
喂？喂？ Hello? Hello?
太好了。快告诉他们我们迷路了。 Tell them we're lost.
(RINGING CONTINUES)
没人说话，突然一下又不通了。 Nobody answered, the phone went dead.
那你为什么要说“喂”? Then why did you say hello?
这事挺怪的，我感觉…… 感觉什么, 迪迪? Funny, I could have sworn... What, Dickie?
听声好像有人把电话线给咔嚓了。 Sounded like somebody snipped the wire.
是么? 你学一下，怎么个声音? Really? What did it sound like?
“咔嚓！” Snip.
这阵子雾可真够大的。 对不，老爸？ Some fog, eh, Pop?
我听过天气预报了。安心开你的车。 I've heard the weather report. Drive, please.
乖乖，大雾稠得像豌豆汤。 It's as thick as pea soup.
一路上人影都不见。 Not a soul around for miles.
知道我怎么想的，老爸？完美的谋杀地点! Know what l think? Perfect place for a murder.
谈话就像蜜月里的电视机…… Conversation like television set on honeymoon.
……完全多余. Unnecessary.
(DOOR CREAKING)
说起来，我们这是要去哪儿呀？ Where are we going?
那个请你来度周末的“双”先生是谁呀？ Who is Mr. Twain?
还有，他说的“谋杀晚宴”是怎么回事啊？ What did he mean by "Dinner and a murder"?
这些问题就像运动员的脚， Questions like athlete's foot.
憋得时间越长，放出来越熏死个人。 After while, very irritating.
(DOG BARKING)
请停车! To stop car, please.
怎么了? 请停下车! What's wrong? Stop car, please.
(DOG HOWLING)
请把引擎也关了。 To shut engine off, please.
仔细听…… Listen.
什么也听不见! 你听到什么了？ I don't hear nothing. What do you hear?
两个不高兴，和狗。 Double negative and dog.
就是说有狗，那又怎样？ So what?
如果我没弄错， If not mistaken,
这狗属于迪克·查尔斯顿先生。 dog belong to Mr. Dick Charleston.
查尔斯顿先生? Who is Dick Charleston?
是我，谢谢。请问你们是否见到一只小白…… I am. Thank you. Did you see a little white...
王! 一只小白王? Wang. A white Wang?
老天，是西德尼·王！ Good heavens. Sidney Wang.
你在这个鬼地方干什么？ What are you doing here?
毫无疑问，和你一样， No doubt same as you.
找一座桥，沿那条道找主人——莱昂内尔·双先生的家。 Looking for bridge to home of Mr. Lionel Twain.
You too, huh? 你也被邀请了？
事一定不小，不然怎么请了两个名侦探？ Must be important to invite two such eminent detectives.
请允许我介绍日本儿子，威利。 Excuse, please. To introduce Japanese son, Willie.
嗨。 Hi.
日本儿子？可我一直确信你是中…… Japanese? But I thought...
王夫人和我不能生育， Mrs. Wang and I never had children.
威利是收养的第三个儿子。 Willie adopted number three son.
很高兴遇见你。路上小心，这条道有点儿诡异莫测。 Be careful on this road. It's treacherous.
诡异莫测的道路就像新鲜的蘑菇，你必须…… Treacherous road like fresh mushroom...
白痴！ Idiot.
还没来得及讲蘑菇案！ Not finish mushroom story.
你这个白痴！ You're idiot.
(SCOFFS)
（法国腔）抱歉，皮埃尔先生，我什么也看不见。 I'm sorry, Monsieur Perrier, but I can see nothing.
这雾浓得就像鱼肉汤一样。 This fog is thick as bouillabaisse.
干果! Nuts.
什么？ 干果！干果！ Pardon? Nuts. Nuts.
我的巧克力里面没有干果！ No nuts in my chocolate.
我叫你去卖干果，那个店里的傻子给你葡萄干。 You got raisins. I asked for nuts.
他没有干果。 He didn't have any nuts.
店里的人说的？ The man in the shop?
没有干果，我就买了干葡萄。 That's why I took raisins.
算了。 Never mind.
反正很快就要吃晚餐了。 来碗热汤。 We will soon be there for dinner. Hot soup.
不知该不该说， Still, monsieur,
我觉得这事整个透着古怪， something is not right here.
我从骨子里面觉得。 I can feel it in my bones.
什么面？ In your what?
骨子面。 In my bones.
谷子面，小面包？ Buns? You have buns?
你买了小面包却不拿出来？ You bought buns and didn't tell me?
你藏哪儿啦？小面包交出来！ Where are they?
天哪，我是说身体里面的骨头。 No, monsieur. The bones in my body.
我饿极了的时候，你最好口齿清楚些。 Don't speak with an accent when I'm hungry.
要问我的看法，山姆，今晚凶多吉少。 Sam, this is useless.
没人问你的看法，宝贝。 Nobody asked you, baby.
有人问啊，你就问了。就在刚才不久你还说假如我觉得…… Yes, they did. You asked me back there if...
那是刚才，此时是现在。 That was then, this is now,
而且没人能预料明天的事。 and nobody knows what tomorrow will be.
不管你喜欢与否，事情的道理就是这样。 That's the way things are.
老天，山姆，有时候我觉得你这人真够呛。真的！ Sam, I really worry about you sometimes.
得了，就此打住吧。 All right. Cut the malarkey.
这次旅行对我来说只是一桩买卖。 This trip is strictly business with me.
说说你对那个双先生的情况了解了多少。 What do you got on this Twain guy?
1906年生于三藩市。 He was born in San Francisco in 1906.
母亲是个天主教徒，父亲是个正宗的东正教犹太教徒。 Mother was a Roman Catholic. Father was an orthodox Jew.
他们结婚后两小时就分手了。 The marriage lasted two hours.
有孩子吗？ Any children?
有一个女儿，今年32岁。名字叫依莱妮。但她给自己起名叫丽塔。 One daughter, 32, Irene, who calls herself Rita.
淑女都这样。 Just like a dame.
别停下来，天使，你干得不错。 Don't stop. You're doing fine.
1932年他在芝加哥被捕，罪名是贩卖色情版圣经。 Arrested in 1932 for selling pornographic Bibles.
地方检察官无法立案， Charges were dropped
原因是教会方面不肯把圣经交出来。 when the Church refused to turn over the Bibles.
后来此人就没什么动静了，直到1946年在得克萨斯州再次被捕， In '46, he was picked up in El Paso, Texas,
这次罪名是偷运一车白肤富人出境 for smuggling a truckload of rich white Americans
去墨西哥收西瓜。 into Mexico to pick melons.
后来他被送去达拉斯医院进行精神检查。 He was sent to the Dallas State Hospital for mental observation.
看来咱们这次碰上怪鸟了，天使。 We've picked ourselves a queer bird.
还有什么？ Anything else?
哦，还有。听这个，山姆。 Oh, yeah. Get this, Sam.
莱昂内尔·双先生有个有趣的生理缺陷—— Lionel Twain has one interesting physical characteristic.
他没有小指。 He has no pinkies.
没有小指？ No pinkies?
你是说双先生只有八个指头？ He only has eight fingers?
他有十个指头，他只是没有小指。 No, 10. He just doesn't have any pinkies.
你的功课做得不错，天使。 Good work, angel.
多谢夸赞，山姆。 你从哪儿挖出这么多猛料？ Thanks, Sam. Where'd you dig up that stuff?
哦，我给双先生写了一封信，问他来着。 I wrote to Twain and asked him.
好思路。 Good thinking.
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
怎么了？ What's the matter?
这还用问？车没油了呗。 Wouldn't you know? Out of gas.
刚才我看见个加油站，往回走大约……五里路。山姆。 I saw a station about 5 miles back, Sam.
这么着吧，我会在此耐心等你回来的，宝贝。 I want you to know I'll be waiting for you.
就是这座桥了，老爸。看上去不太牢靠啊。 The bridge doesn't look safe.
只有一个方法可以验证。 One way to find out.
开过桥去。 Drive across.
你不和我一块儿过去么？ Aren't you coming with me?
两个人重量对于桥来说，或许太沉了。 Weight of two men may be too much.
那为什么偏偏是我来开车呢？ Why do I have to drive?
因为我聪明，先下车一步。 Because I smart enough to get out first.
(CREAKING CONTINUES)
看来不行啊，老爸。桥要垮了！ It's going to collapse, Pop.
别担心，老爸另找路去主人房子。 Not worry. Father find other way to house.
我成功了！老爸！我成功了！ I made it, Pop. I made it.
好啊，好啊！ Good. Now come back and get adopted father.
那你就再倒回来，接你的养父过桥。 Look at invitation.
看看请帖，房子号码多少？ What number of house?
2……2…… Two, two...
正确！两2成双，“双”先生的家。 Correct. 22, Twain's house.
开进去。 Continue.
- 你看见了？ - 没看见。 - Did you see that? - No.
我也没看见。 Neither did I.
停！别动。 Stop. Do not move.
这里有点不对劲。 Something's wrong here.
- 怎么不对劲，老爸? - 别提问题。 - What is it, Pop? - Do not ask questions.
照我说的做。 Do as I say.
我告诉你“跳！”，你就跳。 When I tell you jump, you jump.
五， Five,
四，三，二…… four, three, two...
Holy Shanghai! 圣上海啊！
掐算真准，老爸！你怎么知道的？ Nice counting, Pop. How did you know?
看地上。 Look on ground.
好嘛，甚至连鞋的尺寸都对得上。 Ha! Even had correct shoe size.
某人费尽心机， Someone gone great trouble
让受欢迎的客人变得不那么受欢迎。 to make welcome guest not so welcome.
请按门铃。 Ring bell, please.
你疯了，老爸？里面有人要杀我们！ Are you nuts, Pop? Someone's trying to kill us.
没错。这样一来周末就更刺激了。 Yes. Should make exciting weekend.
请按铃。 Ring, please.
我希望此刻是星期一早晨。 I wish it was Monday morning.
好了，按过了。 Well, here goes.
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
老天！他们在里面杀人！ Holy cow. They're killing someone.
- 你安静。 - 你没听到尖叫声么？ - Calm yourself. - Didn't you hear her scream?
哦，不是的。是你听到了尖叫声。 No. You heard scream.
更有经验的耳朵，听见的是门铃声。 More experienced ear heard doorbell.
再听一遍。 Listen again.
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
双先生有着令人恐怖的幽默感，是不是啊？ Mr. Twain has macabre sense of humor, yes?
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
晚上好，我们一直在静候大驾。 Good evening. We have been expecting you.
在这种状况下“静候”？ But in what condition?
该上去修修屋顶了。 Roof in need of repair.
倒也是，这房子快要倒塌了。 I'm afraid the house is falling apart.
我们可以进去么？ May we come in, please?
真对不起，我以为你们已经进来了。 I'm so sorry. I thought you were in.
你们是查尔斯顿夫妇？ You are Mr. and Mrs. Charleston?
不完全是。 Not quite.
我是卡塔林纳警察局的王稽查， I am Inspector Wang of Catalina police.
这是我收养的儿子，威利。 This adopted son, Willie.
尽管狂风暴雨的，旅途还愉快吧？ I trust you had a pleasant journey.
奇怪的气候，只有从屋里看外面才下雨。 Strange weather. Storm only outside,
噢，那个啊。 wind inside.
那只是双先生的小玩具。 That's just one of Mr. Twain's little toys,
一套电子装置。 an electronic device.
你们很快就会发现， Mr. Twain, as you will soon discover,
双先生喜欢暗秘阴森的氛围。 prefers his atmosphere murky.
我来替你拿行李吧，先生。 May I have your bags, sir?
不必了，行李让儿子拿。 No. Son will get bags.
我收养他就是干这个的。 That is why I adopted him.
好吧，先生。 Very good, sir.
稍候片刻， One moment, please,
我来把门关上。 while I close the door.
现在请随我来，我领你们去你们的房间。 Now, I will show you to your room.
很大的房子啊。 Very large house.
没有其他仆人了么？ No other servants?
不太清楚，我从未见过别的仆人。 I'm not sure. I've never seen anyone.
双先生要我尽可能将你们安置妥当， Mr. Twain asked me to make you comfortable.
说他本人将在晚餐后见你们。 He will be joining you after dinner.
晚餐后？ After dinner?
主人不和客人一起进餐？ Host not have dinner with guests?
不。双先生宁可在外面吃。 No. Mr. Twain prefers to eat out.
(BARKING)
噢，请等一下。那是什么声音？ Wait, please. What that?
那个……噢，别担心，先生。那只是只猫。 It's nothing, sir. Just the cat.
(BARKING CONTINUES)
那是……猫？ That cat?
你用狗食喂出来的猫？ You feed cat dog food?
我不得不说那只猫的脾气不大好，先生。 He's a very angry cat.
双先生把它拴住了， Mr. Twain had him fixed,
它显然不愿意。 and he didn't want to be.
(GROWLS)
房子真大，老爸。 Big house, huh, Pop?
大房子就像男人娶了胖老婆， Big house like man married to fat woman.
很难转过来。 Hard to get around.
啊！到了。 Here we are.
你们会觉得喜欢的。 I'm sure you'll find this suitable.
感觉房子有点儿冷。 Boy, it's a cold house.
那个我已经预想到了，先生。 I've taken care of that, sir.
事先已经为你们生好了火，舒适极了。 You'll find a nice, cozy fire in your room, sir.
好像烟味有点儿大。 It's a bit smoky, sir.
主要是因为那个旧壁炉。已经多年未启用了。 That fireplace hasn't been used in years.
至少床会很暖和。 At least the bed is warm.
先生，有什么要求尽管摇铃。 If you wish anything, sir, please ring.
铃在哪里？ Where buzzer?
在……床后面，先生。那边。 It's behind the bed, sir. There.
晚餐九点开始。 Dinner will be at 9:00,
双先生喜欢客人们在餐桌上穿戴整齐。 and Mr. Twain likes his guests to dress.
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
啊！门铃响了。抱歉。 The doorbell. Excuse me.
哇！好个古怪的家伙！ Wow. What a creepy guy.
为什么有人喜欢找盲人管家呢？ Why would anyone hire a blind butler?
至少有一条理由，便宜。 For one thing, very cheap.
管家知道多少，他的薪水就有多少。 How butler know how much he get paid?
亲爱的，喝点儿这个你会感觉好些。 Drink this. You'll feel better.
要不是马龙叫的及时， If Myron hadn't barked,
我们绝不会发觉有雕塑掉下来。 we wouldn't have seen that statue falling.
亲爱的，那雕塑的事可能不是真的要杀我们，我觉得是一种警告。 It wasn't meant to kill. It's a warning.
有人想吓唬我们，这是为什么呢？ Somebody's just trying to frighten us, but why?
不管他出于什么动机，他的目的是达到了。 He's doing a wonderful job.
怎么按了门铃就没人理会呢？ Why hasn't anybody answered?
别再按了，迪迪！改敲门吧，别再按了。 Don't ring it again, Dickie. Knock, don't ring.
好吧，我不按了。 I won't. I promise.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(GROWLING)
这次又怎么了，马龙？ What is it now, Myron?
那上面，朵拉。瞧。 Up there, Dora. Look.
盲人管家。 A blind butler.
晚上好，我们一直在静候大驾。 Don't let him park the car, Dickie.
我们已经进来了，谢谢你。 Good evening. We have been expecting you.
我们是…… We let ourselves in.
迪克和朵拉，查尔斯顿夫妇。 Dick and Dora Charleston.
晚上好，我们一直在静候大驾。 Good evening. We have been expecting you.
房间已经准备好了。 Your room is ready.
请随我来。 Just follow me, please.
(GROWLS)
别理它，那猫脾气不好。 Never mind, ma'am. It's just the cat.
哦……我们还有行李，在车后箱里。 Our luggage is outside.
回头等我放车的时候再顺便拿上来，夫人。 I'll get it when I park the car.
前院那辆车是不是王先生的？ Is Mr. Wang here?
是的。他们此时正在房间里休息。 Yes. They're resting in their room.
我自己做主，把你们的房间安排在王先生那一侧。 I put you in the same wing as Mr. Wang.
不错啊，亲爱的，这次我们和王先生为邻。 Isn't that nice? We're in Wang's wing.
这些天来别墅的人不多。 Not many people come to the manor these days.
又见客人来真让人高兴。 It's nice to hear guests again.
- 哦，谢谢……怎么称呼？ - 本森夫仁。 - Thank you. You are? - Bensonmum.
谢谢你，本森。 Thank you, Benson.
不不不……本森夫仁。我的名字叫本森夫仁。 No. My name is Bensonmum.
- 本森“夫人”? - 是的，先生。詹姆仙生·本森夫仁。 - Bensonmum? - Yes, sir.
詹姆仙生·本森夫仁。 Jamesir Bensonmum.
詹姆“先生”? Jamesir?
- 是的，先生。 - Yes, sir. - 詹姆“先生”·本森“夫人”? - Jamesir Bensonmum?
- 是的，先生。 - 真稀奇! - Yes, sir. - How odd.
- 那是我父亲的名字，先生。 - 什么是你父亲的名字? - My father's name, sir. - What?
震西奇·本森夫仁 Howard Bensonmum.
你父亲叫“真稀奇·本森夫人”？ Your father was Howard Bensonmum?
够了，迪迪。搅得我头大。 Leave it be, Dickie.
啊，到了。这是双夫人的房间。 Here is the late Mrs. Twain's room.
她死在这个房间里。 She died in here.
老天。 Oh, dear.
她怎么死的? Died of what?
她在睡梦中谋杀了自己，先生。 She murdered herself in her sleep, sir.
你的意思她是自杀？ You mean suicide?
噢，不，的的确确是谋杀。 No, it was murder all right.
双夫人恨她自己。 Mrs. Twain hated herself.
后来这房间一直锁着。 We keep this room locked.
为什么？ Why is that?
双先生太爱她了。 Mr. Twain loved her very much.
双先生一直将房间保持原样…… He's kept her room just as it was
the night she choked herself, ……九年前直到现在，
nine years ago. 九年了。
(DOOR CREAKING)
夫人一直很喜欢这里。 Madam loved it here.
她说整幢别墅就这个房间最靓丽。 She said it was such a cheerful room.
(MOUSE SQUEAKING)
(SCREAMING)
哦，门铃响了。 Ah, the doorbell.
这次是查尔斯顿夫人。 That was Mrs. Charleston.
我想她就在这里，先生。 I thought she was here.
我是在这里，可我不想一整夜呆在这个……污秽可怕的房间里。 I won't stay in this filthy room.
污秽？好吧，夫人。你们下去用餐时我来打扫一下。 Very well, madam. I'll attend to it during dinner.
- 谢谢你，本森先生。 - 夫仁! - Thank you, Bensonsir. - Mum.
- 什么? - 本森夫仁。 - What? - Bensonmum.
夫人。 Ma'am.
- 是面粉。 - 什么？ - Baking flour. - What?
这些灰尘是用面粉做的。 This dust is baking flour.
蜘蛛网则是棉糖做的。 These cobwebs are candied sugar.
都是最近搞的，目的是吓唬我们。 All placed here just to frighten us.
那只老鼠显然是一个机械玩具。 And that mouse is obviously a mechanical toy.
(CHUCKLES)
- 真蠢…… - 什么蠢？ - Silly. - What?
我。 I am.
这是真的。 It's real.
(SCREAMS)
(MOUSE SQUEAKING)
停车。我们到了。 Stop. We are here.
- 我知道到了，所以就停车了。 - 打开我这边的门。 - That's why I stopped the car. - Open my door.
- 你脸上有巧克力。 - 什么? - There is chocolate all over your face. - What?
棒棒糖搞的，满脸都是。 The candy bar. It is all over your face.
蠢货，满脸那是我的胡子! Fool. That's my mustache.
用舌头舔舔就知道了。 Lick it and see.
帮我擦擦，我的手黏糊糊的。 Wipe it off. My hands are sticky.
别乱动。 Hold still, please.
乖。 Sloppy.
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
怎么都赶一块儿了！ All in good time.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
唔? Yes.
谁在那儿? Who's there?
我说谁在那儿？ Who's there, I say?
邻居的恶作剧。 Filthy neighborhood.
我说“跳”了没有？ Didn't l say "jump"?
我数“昂”“都”“特拉”（法语一二三）“跳”，对不对？你干嘛不听我的？ Un, deux, trois, jump. Why don't you listen?
噢，别再说了…… Oh, leave me alone.
乖! Sloppy.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
噢，你是谁? Who are you?
你一定是新来的厨娘。 Oh. You must be the new kitchen maid.
我想你会烹饪，对吧？ I hope you can cook.
回答我。 Hmm? Answer me.
开口说话啊。 Speak up.
（我叫叶塔。我不会说话，也听不见）
说什么？我听不见。 What's that? I can't hear you.
有点儿害羞是吧？ A little shy, are you?
没关系。 Never mind.
晚上有十个客人来用餐。 There will be 10 for dinner.
菜单在这儿。 Here is the menu.
（我也不认得字。这张纸条是别人帮我写的。）
看明白了么？ Is that understood?
九点开饭。 Dinner will be at 9:00.
我召唤你的时候。 When I want you,
墙上那个铃铛会响三次。 that bell will ring three times.
就这些了，开始干吧！ All right. Get to work.
（法语）喂？ Hello?
喂……喂？接线员! Hello, hello? Operator?
我说喂……喂！ I am saying hello, hello.
它死了，先生。 It's dead, sir.
什么？谁死了? 你是谁？ What? Who is? Who are you?
我是管家，先生。 The butler, sir.
管家，呃？我猜就是。The butler, eh? I thought as much.
有一个星期了，电话一直不好用，先生。 That phone has not worked for a week, sir.
你说的是实话么？ Is that a fact?
这条电话线刚刚被剪断， And I say that this wire
不到一小时。 has been snipped, not one hour ago.
这点不难看出。 As you can see.
你叫什么名字？ What is your name?
本森夫仁。 Bensonmum.
开这种玩笑让人毛骨悚然， Your little jest escapes me.
我是米罗·皮埃尔先生。 I am Monsieur Milo Perrier.
我的司机没踩门口那个中国式鞋印，却被掉下来的喷水兽砸了。 My chauffeur was injured by a falling gargoyle while standing outside in Chinese footprints.
我们按门铃……听到女人的尖叫…… We rang the bell, a woman screamed,
一只老鼠从身边逃出门去。 a mouse ran out through the door.
由此不难看出……什么都逃不过我的眼睛。 As you can plainly see, I miss nothing.
就不难为你找医生了， Since we cannot call for a doctor,
只需给我的司机上上冷敷…… I need a cold compress for my chauffeur
至于我……来杯热可可吧。你有明白？（法语） and some hot chocolate for me, n'est-ce pas?
恐怕没有白伴侣，先生。只有黑色的。 We don't have Nespa, sir, just Hershey's.
我叫女仆为你准备。 I'll call the maid.
(RINGING)
(RINGING CONTINUES)
还是我自己来吧。 I'll fetch it for you myself, sir.
你们是不是随我一同上去， In the meantime,
我领你们去房间休息。 I'll show you your room.
起来，起来。 Get up. Get up.
这个管家让人不放心，注意到没有， I do not trust this butler.
他眼睛从来不看你。 Notice how his eyes never look at you.
他是盲人，先生。 He's blind, monsieur.
胡说。 Nonsense.
就是这幢房子了。 There's the house now.
(GROANS)
- 你怎么了? - 我的脚疼死了。 - What's the matter? - My feet are killing me.
我去买汽油的时候，山姆，你干嘛不说我们还需要润滑剂？ Why didn't you say we needed oil before I got the gas?
因为我给了你五十块钱， Because I gave you a $50 bill
汽油只需五块钱就搞定了。 and the gas was only five bucks.
你可能回来，你也可能不回来。 Maybe you'd come back, maybe you wouldn't.
我不能冒这个险，天使。 I couldn't take that chance, angel.
你不信任我么，山姆? Don't you trust me, Sam?
信任你？ Trust you?
上次我信任一位淑女是在巴黎，1940年。 The last time I trusted a dame was in Paris in 1940.
她说要出去买瓶酒， She went out to get some wine.
两个小时后德军就开进了法国。 Two hours later, the Germans marched into France.
很抱歉触动你的伤心事。 I'm sorry, Sam.
道歉免了，零钱还我。 Sorry, nothing. Give me my change.
晚餐在九点钟，先生。 Dinner is at 9:00, sir.
回头我叫女仆给你送巧克力来。 I'll have the maid bring your chocolate.
先别忙着走，好伙计。 One moment, my good man.
什么事? Sir?
谢谢，就这样吧。 Thank you. That will be all.
看来他真的看不见。 He's blind all right.
刚才都是我的绝活儿。 Those were my funniest faces.
看来与CopaCabana大酒店还是有点差距。 Not exactly the Copacabana.
我有种不好的预感，山姆…… I don't feel good about this.
或许今晚你不会再那么走运了。 Maybe tonight's the night your luck ends.
也许吧。 Maybe so.
墙上的数字暗示我们都包括在内， There's a number on the wall for all of us, angel.
如果今晚我的运气不好，我也认了。 If tonight's the night they pick mine, so be it.
你先行一步，心肝。 After you, sweetheart.
你得先吻我一下，山姆。 First kiss me, Sam.
我从不接吻。 I don't kiss.
就破例吻一下嘛, 山姆? Just this once, Sam.
我不喜欢接吻，你就饶了我吧！ I don't like kissing. Now leave me alone.
(WOMAN SCREAMING)
天哪，他死了！ My God. He's dead.
对不起，你说什么？ I beg your pardon.
山姆·戴蒙德躺在那儿，我的老板，他被砸死了！ Sam Diamond is lying out there, crushed to death.
啊！我要晕了！快扶住我！ I'm going to faint. You catch me.
夫人。 Madam.
夫人，你在哪儿？ Madam, where are you?
好啦，老实站那儿！ All right. Hold it right there. Freeze, blinky.
别动，狡诈的歹徒，把手举起来！脸朝墙壁站好！ Get your hands up. Face the wall.
好啦天使，你可以起来了。 Angel, you can get up now.
请转过脸来。 Turn around, Jeeves.
你那个混凝土圣诞礼物早到了两秒钟， Your concrete Christmas present arrived about two seconds early,
不过那可不是你发善心。 no thanks to you.
我对所发生的事情道歉，先生。 I apologize for any unfortunate mishap, sir.
我可以把手放下来了么？ May I put my hands down?
想好事呢，莎士比亚。 Don't test your luck, Shakespeare.
我接到邀请来参加晚宴…… I got your little invitation to dinner.
可我没意识到你们要对付的竟然是我。 I didn't realize I was the main course.
我有个兄弟两年前也遇到这么个案子，一模一样的境况， I had a kid brother who got it the same way two years ago.
那位老兄如能活到星期二，就该是63岁了。 That boy would have been 63 on Tuesday.
- 只要有人肯出两分钱我就一枪…… - 山姆，算了。 - For two cents, I'd take this... - Sam, no.
别让我哪天逮着他！ Get him away from me.
要是让我逮着了…… Get him away.
我就把他当战利品，肚子里填满东西挂起来， Get him away before I stuff him
就像我那些恶趣味同行沙龙墙上挂着的老虎标本。 like those tiger trophies his limey pals hang up on saloon walls.
求你了! Please.
他的脾气可真吓人。 He has a dreadful temper, hasn't he?
(CLOCK CHIMING)
9点啦，晚餐时间！ 9:00. Time for dinner.
都准备好了吗？ Is everything ready? Hmm?
(SNIFFING)
我好像没闻到什么。 I don't smell anything.
你是不是不喜欢多放调料？ Very light on the seasoning, are you?
把汤盛在钵里，炖鸡的火小一点儿。 Put the soup in the tureen and keep the squabs on low.
我先去给客人倒鸡尾酒。 I'll serve cocktails.
当你听到铃响…… When you hear the bell,
就把冷冻的芦笋拿出来， bring out the chilled asparagus
再把炖鸡的火苗调大。 and turn up the flame on the squabs.
听明白没有？ Have you got that?
你还没说我今天看上去怎么样，迪迪。 You didn't tell me how l look, Dickie.
这套装束就像换了个人似的，亲爱的。非常迷人。 No different than always, absolutely ravishing.
你爱我崇拜我么？ Do you love and adore me?
我爱你崇拜你。 I love and adore you.
你举手投足间还有一种贵族“风韵”。 You still have a great tush.
那是多年骑马练出来的，亲爱的。 Years of horseback riding, darling.
准备去底楼么，查尔斯顿? Getting to bottom of things?
- 啊, 王！亲爱的你一定还记得…… - 我当然还记 - Ah, Wang. Darling, you remember... - Of course.
好久不见，啊, 王！ Nice to see you, Ah Wang.
不胜荣幸，查尔斯顿夫人。 Always a pleasure, Mrs. Charleston.
你这身长袍太漂亮了。 What a beautiful gown.
一定要告诉我哪里可以买到 Where did you get it?
这是件旧衣服。 This an old dress.
穿了好几年了。 Had it for years.
请允许介绍，养子威利。 Please to meet adopted son, Willie.
哈，东西方大汇合， Ah, East meets West
竟然在这种古怪的地方。 in a most bizarre setting.
- 皮埃尔! - 查尔斯顿. - Perrier. - Charleston.
没想到你也在被邀请之列。 I didn't know you were invited.
- 你认识王么？ - 当然。 - You know Wang. - Ah, yes.
很多年前在上海曾荣幸与王稽查共餐。 I dined in Shanghai long ago with Inspector Wang.
夯-青-曲-卡-当-五-凤 (SPEAKING FAKE CHINESE)
哦，你还记得，有这回事。 Oh, you remember. Yes.
你当时要的是“夯青曲”， You had hong ching chu,
我要的是“卡当五凤”。 and I had cow dung wu fong.
我妻子，朵拉。皮埃尔探长。 My wife Dora, Inspector Perrier.
（法语）太迷人了！ (SPEAKING FRENCH)
(COUGHING)
真对不起，我的房间尘土太多。 I'm sorry. Our room is so dusty.
我的错。我应该先吹一下。 My fault. I should have blown first.
介绍一下我的秘书兼司机，马歇尔·柯赛特 May I present my secretaire-chauffeur, Marcel Cassette?
刚刚受伤痊愈么，马歇尔? Recovered from your accident, Marcel?
(RESPONDS IN FRENCH)
是啊，先生。可……你怎么知道的？ How did you know?
从你鞠躬的姿势。 From the way you bend.
我猜想出车祸时你的右半边身子被雪铁龙挤了。 Your right side was smashed in by a Citroen, I imagine.
我还听到了轻微的金属喀嚓声， I heard a metallic sound,
由此推断你一定装了一个假臀。 so l think you have an artificial hip.
- 是钢制品？ - 铝制品。 - Steel? - Aluminum.
你还是那么敏锐，查尔斯顿。 You're still quick, Charleston.
而你，查尔斯顿先生，不赞成查尔斯顿夫人染头发金发？ And you, Mr. Charleston, did not approve of Mrs. Charleston dyeing hair blonde?
不明白你的意思。 I beg your pardon?
查尔斯顿夫人头发红的， Mrs. Charleston hair red.
你的肩上有根金发。 You have blonde hairs on shoulder.
这说明她曾把红发染成金发， That means she has dyed red hair to blonde
又变回了红发。 and back again to red,
如若不然，你肩上那根头发…… or else you have been...
哦，对不起。王……说错话了。 Ah, so sorry. Wang is, ah, wrong.
我们是否该下楼用餐了？ Shall we go eat now?
嘿，老爸这一手露的…… Boy, Pop. You sure put your...
闭上你的日本嘴！ Shut Japanese mouth.
去掉臀部的手术一定很痛苦吧？ Must be ghastly to have a hip removed.
现在还疼吗? Does your hip hurt?
只是在阴天下雨的时候。 Only in damp weather.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(SCREAMS IN PAIN)
你没事吧？ Are you all right?
别管他，你会把他惯坏的。 Pay no attention. You'll only spoil him.
起来，起来！ Get up. Get up.
(METALLIC CLINKING)
上次我对你说…… As I was saying...
嗨, 老爸。 Hey, Pop.
诡异莫测的道路就像新鲜的蘑菇…… A treacherous road like fresh mush...
嗨, 老爸。 Hey, Pop.
我知道——狗舌头伸出画外。 I know. Dog stick tongue out of picture.
这诡异莫测的道路就像新鲜的蘑菇…… Treacherous road like fresh mushroom...
他可真英俊…… He's a charming fellow.
非洲的死亡面具。我想这人一定死于种族间相互残杀。 African death mask. Died in some tribal ritual.
真想知道，其他人此时在哪儿？ Wonder where others are.
其他人？ Others?
其他什么人？ What others?
被邀请参加“谋杀宴会”这件事，王终于想明白了。 Invitation to dinner and murder finally clear to Wang with appearance
因为看到了皮埃尔先生。 of Monsieur Perrier.
这就明显说明，只有当世最伟大的侦探才可能出现在客人名单上。 Only the world's greatest living detectives were invited.
确切点说共有五人，亲爱的。其中三位已经到场了。 Five of us, darling. Three already here.
还有两位随时会登场。 Two have not yet arrived.
一位是杰西卡·马布尔小姐，英格兰人； Miss Jessie Marbles of England, and Mr...
山姆·戴蒙德，来自三藩市。 Sam Diamond of San Francisco.
你们我都认识， know who you all are.
介绍一下身边这位一身租借服装的女士，是我的秘书兼情妇—— This lady here in the rented dress is my secretary and mistress,
苔丝·斯凯富顿小姐。 Miss Tess Skeffington.
山姆, 别这样…… Oh, Sam, don't...
噢对不起，心肝。 Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart.
斯凯富顿小姐不喜欢我这样口无遮拦，粗野的坦诚。 Miss Skeffington thinks I'm too brutally honest.
可我还要说，我们从事的就是粗野的生意，对不，绅士们？ But then, we're in a brutal business.
从不把谋杀当作“生意”，戴蒙德先生。 Never consider murder to be business, Mr. Diamond.
是么，王先生？ Is that right? Mr. Wang,
这话不该你说， Maybe not for you,
想想你是怎样把所有的钱都用来投资蔬菜的，从三十年代末就开始了。 because you put your money into vegetables in the late '30s.
可能这里的朋友们都不清楚，在中国大陆你拥有50%的豆芽和竹笋生产基地吧？ You own 50% of the bean sprouts and bamboo shoots grown on the Chinese mainland.
你们这些人可以想想，那些源源不绝的罐装食品 So you folks can imagine
每年会给王先生带来多少收益。 how much chicken chow mein Mr. Wang has.
- 这些数据我没引用错吧，天使？ - 没错, 山姆. - Am I right, angel? - Right, Sam.
我看不出这和任何事情有什么关系。 That doesn't seem important.
你也别装，皮埃尔。 Or you, Mr. Perrier.
你在法国酿酒业可谓是左右逢源哪， You work both sides of the big drink.
一面为那些男爵伯爵们办案， ou solve crimes for barons and earls
一面把高额佣金存入瑞士银行生息。 and put your fancy fees into Swiss banks.
每年跑三趟做巧克力生意，是不是啊，法国佬？ That buys a lot of hot chocolate.
你听我说，戴蒙德。 Now see here, Diamond.
不，你听我说，查尔斯顿先生。 No, you see, Mr. Charleston of New York,
你在纽约，棕榈海滩以及贝弗利山都有地产， Palm Beach and Beverly Hills.
罪案对你来说不过是一种嗜好，对不对？ Crime is a hobby to you,
在奢华酒店闲情逸致地等房间服务时 just a game to pass the time while waiting
用来打发时光的游戏而已。 for room service in some fancy hotel.
同时还让你妻子的家族为你买单，让你喝马蒂尼酒，穿300美元的西服。 Your wife's dough buys you gin martinis and $300 suits.
这种生活安排真是妙极了，你要做的事 不过是随时随地搜刮你的妻子， All you do is give your wife a little grab now and then
还有每天两次牵狗出去遛街撒尿。 and walk the dog.
很抱歉夫人，在你面前失礼了， Sorry if I'm shocking you,
可我这人没念过书， but I never went to finishing school.
我的学校就是大街， My school is the streets,
每天瞅着的黑乎乎左轮枪口就是我的老师。 and a pointed revolver is my teacher.
我每天的佣金是50美元，这还得挣得到手才行，先生们。 I get $50 a day and expenses.
我现在欠着这位斯凯富顿小姐三年零两个月的薪水。 I owe Miss Skeffington three years' back pay.
我没记错吧，天使？ Isn't that right, angel?
我不在意钱，山姆。 I don't care, Sam.
我也不在意。 Neither do I.
好啦，不知哪位好心的先生肯为我这位女士…… Would someone give my lady friend
倒杯便宜的白酒？ a glass of cheap white wine?
我得去楼下大厅找厕所。 I'm going to find the can.
有时我话太多，把正事都忘了。 I talk so much sometimes, I forget to go.
请大家原谅山姆。 Please excuse Sam.
上星期他脑袋挨了一枪， He was shot in the head last week.
按理说他现在都不该出院。 He shouldn't be out of the hospital.
要我说，此人还真够他妈坦诚的。 I think the fellow is damned honest.
迪迪，注意言辞！ Dickie, language.
杰西卡·马布尔小姐，和她的护士。 Miss Jessica Marbles and nurse.
啊，马布尔小姐！ Ah, Miss Marbles.
我们终于见面了。 So we finally meet.
我一直崇拜你，自从我当上小小的侦探以后。 Have admire you since I was tiny little detective.
谢谢你，王先生。 Thank you, Mr. Wang.
我就是杰西卡·马布尔。 I am Jessica Marbles.
这是威瑟斯小姐，我的护士。 This is Miss Withers, my nurse.
她和我相处了52年。 She's been with me 52 years.
我只好由我来照顾这个小可怜了。 I must take care of her now.
感觉还好吧，威瑟斯小姐？ Are you all right, Miss Withers?
你现在吃药吗? Do you want your medicine?
不。 No.
噢！ Ow!
你看她。 She's off.
安置妥啦。我要好好喝上一大杯烈酒，查尔斯顿先生。 I could use a stiff shot, Mr. Charleston.
你办案经常出没于酒肆，想必酒量不差吧？ I believe booze, as you call it, is your department.
乐意奉陪，夫人。 My pleasure, madam.
谁叫老“吉萨”？ Who's the old geezer?
山姆! Sam!
杰西，宝贝！ Jessie, baby.
山姆·戴蒙德! Sam Diamond!
戴蒙德先生，你后背有个枪眼。 There's a bullet hole in your back.
你该看看那家伙的惨样。 You should see the other guy.
(MAN GROANING)
请安静。 Quiet, please.
观察到奇怪的声音。 Observe strange sound.
(GROANING CONTINUES)
天哪，是那张脸！ My God, it's the face.
是那张脸发出的声音！ It's coming from the face.
(GROANING)
他似乎在传达他死前的痛苦。 He's going through his dying moments.
会有什么含义呢？ What could it mean?
这个含义就是，晚餐准备好了。我们没有开饭锣。 Dinner, sir. We have no gong.
女士们先生们，我有几句祝酒词。 Ladies and gentlemen, I propose a toast.
我们的主人，莱昂内尔·双先生确实非常不一般。 Our host, Mr. Lionel Twain, is a unique man.
第一点：他成功邀请了当今最伟大的五位侦探 Point one, he has gathered the world's greatest detectives
来这里调查一桩罪案，尚未发生的罪案。 to investigate a crime that has not yet been committed.
第二点：他设了一连串的陷阱—— Point two, he has set traps for us,
摇摇欲坠的桥梁……自空而降的雕塑…… a bridge that almost collapses, falling statues.
他要杀死我们么？ Does he mean to kill us?
至少眼下看来不是，因为他随时都可以办到。 Not yet. He could've done that at any time.
他仅仅是试图挫掉我们的锐气， He's merely whetting our appetites
以便为接下来的游戏做铺垫。 for the rest of the game.
第三点：为什么邀请五个侦探，而不是一个？ Point three, why five detectives instead of one?
因为他想将我们一网打尽，女士们先生们。 Because he intends to challenge us all,
迄今为止还没有哪位犯罪人，取得过这样的骄绩。 a feat no criminal mind has heretofore attempted.
鉴于此，在这个地狱般的周末开始之前， Therefore, before this hellish weekend begins,
我建议大家举杯向他致意，他是个…… I propose that we toast
狡黠风趣的智者也好，是个…… either a most beguiling and charming man,
阴险、凶残的疯子也罢。 or an insidious, fiendish madman.
干杯! Bottoms up.
请等一下！ One moment, please.
第四点：酒被下毒了。 Point four, wine poisoned.
(ALL MUTTERING)
一种古老的，无口感、无色、无味的东方药草…… An ancient, tasteless, colorless and odorless Oriental herb
杀人于顷刻之间。 that kills instantly.
请观察。 Observe, please.
(ALL GASPING)
伟大的司各特！王先生，你救了我们大家！ Great Scott. Mr. Wang, you've saved our lives.
不一定，查尔斯顿夫人。 Not quite, Mrs. Charleston.
祝好胃口！ Bon appetit.
(ALL SCREAMING)
既然王先生是唯一能辨识这种毒药的人， Only Monsieur Wang could detect the poison,
而且只有他的杯里被下了毒—— so only he was tested.
那么第五点：双先生同时具有淘气和…… Point five, Mr. Twain is both
凶残两种天性。喔喔喔…… beguiling and fiendish.
(GROANS)
哦！ Oh!
哦！赶快请医生！ Oh, get a doctor, quick.
不不……是我的缘故。 No, it's all right.
我的酒没有毒， My wine is not poisoned.
都因为当年的苦日子…… It was just a bad year.
干的漂亮，王先生。 Good work, Mr. Wang.
看来这顿晚餐我们要处处小心。 We must all be on our guard through every course of the meal.
你们都忽略了一件事。 You're all forgetting one thing.
那个管家由此显得非常可疑。 This makes the butler suspicious.
因为酒是他倒的。 He poured the wine.
管家目不能视， Except he is blind.
怎么能知道该把毒酒斟给谁？ How would he know which one to serve the poisoned glass to?
很简单。 That's very simple.
盲人通常都有很好的嗅觉。 Blind people have a very keen sense of smell.
既然我们都是盎格鲁-撒克逊人种。 Since we're Anglo-Saxon
王的儿子又是日本人， and Mr. Wang's son is Japanese,
那么嗅出个中国人应该不是很难的事。 it wouldn't be hard to sniff out the Chinaman.
听我说，戴蒙德。你这个比喻很粗俗。 See here. That's a tacky thing to say.
这本来就是个粗俗的世界，查尔斯顿先生。 It's a tacky world, Mr. Charleston.
对不对，天使？ Isn't that right, angel?
没错，山姆。 That's right, Sam.
安静，管家过来了。 Quiet, please. Butler approaches.
很抱歉，让你们久等了。 I apologize for the delay.
我和厨师有些交流上的困难。 I'm having communication problems with the cook.
谁倒的酒？ Who poured the wine?
双先生倒的。他倒好后放在冰箱里一个托盘上， Mr. Twain, sir. He left it in the refrigerator.
他告诉我把有草药味的一杯给王先生。 I was told to give Mr. Wang the glass with the sticky stem.
你也不问问为什么？ And you didn't ask why?
我当时忙着找冰箱呢，先生。 I was lucky to find the refrigerator, sir.
现在我可以上汤了吗？ I will serve the soup now.
就等这句话了。 By all means.
(INAUDIBLE)
不好意思，我快饿晕了。 Yes, I'm starving.
先别走，汤在哪儿？ One moment. Where is the soup?
在你的碟子里。 In your dish, sir.
我碟子里什么都没有……除了碟子。 There is nothing in my dish but my dish.
我不明白，先生。 I don't understand, sir.
拿着，这是勺子，自己尝尝。 Take the spoon. Taste it yourself.
我明白你的意思了，先生。 I see what you mean, sir.
告退一会儿， If you'll excuse me,
我要去和厨师谈谈。 I need to talk with the cook.
“饿”杀我们，或许这才是他的把戏。嗯？ Murder by starvation. Maybe that's his game.
你怎么想，山姆？ What do you think, Sam?
我哪知道，杰西。或许你该问问墙上的驼鹿，从我们进来时起它就一直在瞅着大家。 Ask the moose. He's been watching us.
(ALL MURMURING)
十个人来赴宴， Ten people for dinner,
可我一样热菜都端不上去！ and I'm serving hot nothing.
你算什么忙帮的。 You can't get good help today.
你被解雇了，明白吗？解雇了！ You're fired. Do you understand? Fired.
我要你出去，听见没？出去！ I want you out. Do you hear?
别再来了！ And stay out.
我忽然意识到， Something just occurred to me.
座位安排的不对。 The seating's all wrong.
怎么说，查尔斯顿先生? How so, Mr. Charleston?
我怎么坐在朵拉旁边？ I'm sitting next to Dora.
那有什么不对？ What's wrong with that?
她不是你妻子嘛。 She's your wife, isn't she?
就是因为这个，正式晚宴的餐桌上夫妻从不坐在一起。 At a dinner party, a husband and wife shouldn't sit together.
实际上我应该坐在餐桌的对面。 I should be on the opposite side of the table.
王先生，能和我换一下座位吗？ Mr. Wang, please change places with me.
现在就换？ Now?
现在就换。 Now.
(ALL SCREAMING)
我就料到了！下一道关卡会要了我们的命。 Just as I thought. Another test that almost killed us.
幸好我的教养救了我一命。 Saved only because I am enormously well-bred.
这么说幸好不是我，换了我此时肝都被刺穿了。 Lucky it wasn't me. I'd be chopped liver now.
(ALL CLAMORING)
请保持安静，不要慌乱。 Silence, please. Do not panic.
大家不要离开座位！ No person move from place.
有人进来了。 Someone just came in.
大家安静！我闻到味了。 Quiet, everyone. I smell something.
什么味？ What is it?
老天爷，是豆子味！ Good God. Franks and beans.
恐怕今天晚餐只有这个了，先生。 I'm afraid that's all we have, sir.
迪迪，你知道摸我那里我会有什么反应。 Dickie, don't touch me there.
不是我，亲爱的。我的双手抄在口袋里呢。 My hands are in my pockets.
恐怕是抄到我口袋里了。 They're my pockets.
噢，对不起。 Sorry about that.
迪迪，放尊重点儿！ Dickie, behave yourself.
晚上好，女士们先生们。 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
我是这里的主人——莱昂内尔·双。 I'm your host, Lionel Twain.
好家伙！怎么进来的？ Good God. What an entrance.
是不是有点儿过于戏剧性了，马布尔小姐。 A bit theatrical, Miss Marbles,
可我就是喜欢制造幻觉。 but I do love illusion.
请原谅我戴着帽子，我正在掉头发。 Please forgive my hat. I'm losing my hair.
我以为双这家伙年纪要更老些。比如说72，73岁。 I thought Twain was older. 72, 73.
确切点说，我76岁。戴蒙德先生。 Seventy-six to be exact, Mr. Diamond.
为什么我如此年轻？ How do I look so young?
很简单：每晚睡满十二个小时， Quite simple. A complete vegetable diet, Twelve hours sleep a night
再加上一大堆、一大堆的化妆品。 and lots and lots of make-up.
我相信你们在这里都很舒心吧。 I trust you've all been made comfortable.
舒心，双先生？ Comfortable, Mr. Twain?
你把被人酒里下毒和差点被斩首称为舒心？ Do you call poison, a near decapitation, comfortable?
不，我把那些称作为奇思妙想。 No, I call it inspiration.
你必须讲清楚，双先生。那些机械的和厨房把戏是不是想要我们的命啊？ You still must explain the attempts on our lives。
双先生。 Monsieur Twain.
都是游戏啦，皮埃尔先生。 Merely games, Monsieur Perrier.
不是说吗，斗智斗勇啦。 Pitting wits with you, so to speak.
你这个小矮子要和我玩斗智斗勇，我保证整得你不认得回家的路。 Pit your wits with me and you won't have wits to pit with.
山姆, 你的口水喷到护士脸上了。 You're spitting on the nurse.
抱歉，老姑娘。 Sorry, old lady.
按理说这个点你早该上床睡觉了。 Crazy broad should be in bed.
双先生，我们已经抵达贵府已经四个多小时了， Monsieur Twain, after four hours, we haven't seen
热腾腾的晚饭也好，冰冷的尸体也好，影子也没见一个。 a hot dinner or a cold corpse.
鉴于此，只有告辞了。 I therefore bid you adieu.
我也告辞。 I bid one adieu, also.
谁也不许离开这座房子。 No one is leaving this house.
这什意思，双先生？ What meaning of this, Mr. Twain?
希望你能坦诚相告，王先生， I will tell you, Mr. Wang, if you can tell me
为什么一个人拥有本世纪最聪慧的大脑之一 why a man with such a brilliant mind
却搞不定英语中简单的前置词或定冠词。 can't say his prepositions or articles.
“The”王先生，你漏了一个“the”。 "The," Mr. Wang. What is "the" meaning of this?
我没漏， That what I said.
我说“这什意思？” What meaning of this?
这意思就是， The meaning of this is
我要借此机会证明一下， I have decided to prove beyond a doubt
让世人不再有任何疑惑， that the greatest living criminologist in the world
当今最伟大的犯罪学家就坐在这张桌子前， is sitting at this table,
而你们都在看着他。 and you are all looking at him.
不，不要互相张望。 No, don't look at each other.
都看我！我是最伟大的！ Look at me! I'm the greatest.
我是老大！ I'm number one.
在我眼里你像老二。 You look like number two.
明白我的意思吗？ Know what I mean?
他说的是什么意思？ What does he mean?
我回头再告诉你，真恶心。 Tell you later. It's disgusting.
在你们经手的形形色色案件中， In all your various adventures,
没有你们解不开的谋杀谜团， not one of you has ever had an unsolved murder.
你们的名望基于这一简单事实。 Your reputations exist on this single fact.
不过世人会做何感想呢？ But what would the world say
倘若他们得知最伟大的五位侦探 if the five greatest living detectives
周末被关在乡下别墅里， found themselves trapped in a country house,
与外界断绝联系， shut off from the world,
忽然发现地板上躺着一具尸体， only to discover a body on the floor,
后背上被人用切肉刀捅了十二下，而…… stabbed 12 times in the back with a butcher's knife,
你们当中却没人明白是怎么回事。 and not one able to solve the crime?
你的意思是谋杀？ You mean murder?
朵拉，别插话，我们在谈正事。 Dora, please. We're talking shop.
是的，是谋杀，查尔斯顿夫人。 Yes! Murder, Mrs. Charleston.
就在夜半钟声敲响的时候， Exactly at midnight,
这座房子里的某个人将被邪恶地谋杀。 someone in this house will be viciously murdered.
能否透漏一个小小的细节，双先生， Left out one small detail, Mr. Twain.
死者谁？ Who victim?
“是谁”！“是谁”！ "Is the!" "Is the!"
“死者是谁”！ Who "is the" victim?
快被你整疯了！ That drives me crazy!
我觉得此事小菜一碟。 Sounds like a short ride to me.
是么，戴蒙德先生？那我们就来看看到头来谁是智者， Well, we shall see who is sane
谁是这里的大话王。 and who is crazy around here.
王先生，死者此时此刻就在这张桌前， Mr. Wang, the victim is at this very table at this very moment,
同样，女士们先生们， and so, too, ladies and gentlemen,
凶手也在这里。 is the murderer.
谋杀案？ Murder-poo?
是啊亲爱的，我们又有好玩的谋杀案可分享了。 Yes, dear. We're going to have a lovely murder-poo.
(GIGGLES)
你干吗不推着她出去溜达溜达，我们在这儿谈生意。 Why don't you push her wheelchair down the driveway?
你说你知道谁要死？ You know who's gonna get it?
自然知道。 Intimately.
- 你也清楚罪案将如何发生？ - 完全清楚。 - And you know the method? - Definitely.
知道谋杀发生的确切时间？ And exactly what time murder to take place?
又没说“the”！ "The" murder.
没错。 Precisely.
这个，我知道这不关我事， Well, I know it's none of my business,
但你的意思是不是说，你自己就是凶手？ but doesn't that mean that you're the murderer, Mr. Twain?
不许夫人插嘴。 No wives.
我拒绝和夫人们讨论这个。 I refuse to discuss this with wives.
朵拉说的没大错，确实所有的疑点都指向了你自己。 Dora is quite right. All fingers do seem to point to you.
不得不说，这似乎没有多少挑战性。 It's not much of a challenge.
想让我加点刺激性么，查尔斯顿先生？ Shall I make it more interesting, Mr. Charleston?
一百万美元，给能解破此案的人， $1 million to the one who solves the crime.
用这个赌你们的名望。 Wagered against your reputations.
一百万税后现金， $1 million in tax-free cash.
以及所有的书籍和电影版权。 Also, the paperback rights and the film sale.
现在是十一点钟，朋友们。 It's 11:00, amigos.
再有一个小时，死亡将降临到这个房间某人的头上。 One hour before death strikes someone in this room.
半夜见。 See you at midnight.
告辞了！ Toodle-oo!
搞什么鬼，双先生…… See here, Monsieur Twain!
瞧，他不见了！ He's gone!
他没走，在那儿！ No, he's not. He's down there.
(ALL GASP)
动作快得像巴尼兔子一样。 Fast little bunny rabbit, ain't you?
我根本就没动，戴蒙德先生。 I've never moved, Mr. Diamond.
我仍然在那边。 I'm still down there.
小小的镜像技术。 A stunt done with mirrors.
真的吗？ Is that so?
不怕遭七年厄运么？ Willing to risk seven years bad luck?
有本事你就使，戴蒙德先生。 Try it, Mr. Diamond.
这是你的葬礼，奶油蛋。 It's your funeral, butterball.
等等！ Wait!
有时候它也不太灵光。 Sometimes it doesn't work.
这一场你胜了，戴蒙德先生， You've won this round, Mr. Diamond.
半夜将是我的胜场。 My turn comes at midnight.
希望他知道如何让轮椅停下来，不然他惨了。 I hope he can stop that thing.
依我看，肯为尚未发生的命案出一百万佣金的人， If you ask me, anybody offering a million bucks for a crime that's not committed,
他一定是疯了。 that's nuts.
我们现在干什么？就这么坐着等着某人被杀？ Should we wait until someone's butchered?
管家是不是出事了，他怎么还没回来？ What's happened to the butler?
晚饭悬了！ Why hasn't he returned with our dinner?
快去找他。 Go look for him.
不！谁也不要离开这个房间！ No one leave.
为什么，老爸？ Why not, Pop?
双说过死者就是桌前的人， Twain say victim at this table.
如果我们都呆在一起， If we stay together,
罪案肯定逃不过我们的眼睛。 crime cannot be committed without witnesses.
言之有理。你是个聪明的中国人，王先生。 You're one smart Chinaman, Mr. Wang.
我提议大家拉起手来，没有断头的链子更结实。 Joining hands will make the chain stronger.
请拉手。 Join hands, please.
(TICKING)
别闹。 Stop that.
我叫你别闹。 Stop it, I said.
怎么了，戴蒙德? What is it, Diamond?
护士在挠我的手心，这个没皮没脸的老姑娘。 She's giving my palm the finger, the dirty broad.
你太调皮了，威瑟斯小姐！ Naughty, naughty, Miss Withers.
(GIGGLING)
(INAUDIBLE)
老天! 瞧! Good God! Look!
(INAUDIBLE)
她在干什么？ What is she doing?
- 我想她在尖叫。 - 怎么了？ - Screaming. - What is it?
出什么事了？ What's happened?
- 厨房出事了。 - 晚饭真的悬了！ - Something wrong in kitchen. - With our dinner!
耐心点，耐心点。 No, no. Patience, patience.
- 厨房有人吗？ - 有人在厨房做饭吗？ - Is someone in there? - Is someone in the kitchen with dinner?
厨娘又聋又哑。 Cook cannot speak or hear.
“我觉得管家死了。” "I think butler is dead."
“我叫叶塔，我周四不工作。” "My name is Yetta. I don't work Thursdays."
问她是否在这儿过夜，迪迪。 Ask if she sleeps in.
我们必须过去查看一下。 We must investigate this.
- 得有人走一趟。 - 不能单独去。 - Someone has to go. - Not alone.
查尔斯顿先生，戴蒙德先生和其他人呆在一起； Mr. Charleston, Mr. Diamond stay.
马布尔小姐，皮埃尔先生和王，我们过去查看。 Miss Marbles, Monsieur Perrier and Wang will investigate.
噢，会没事的。 Oh, that's right.
哭出来好了。 Let it all out.
(INAUDIBLE)
小心点儿！王！ Careful, Wang!
指纹！ Fingerprints.
- 在哪儿？ - 你的。 - Where? - Yours.
拿着，用我的手帕。 Here, take my handkerchief.
他是不是…… 他看上去…… Is he... Looks...
他似乎是…… Seems like...
别碰！ Don't touch him!
别留下指纹！ Fingerprints.
谢谢提醒。 Quite so.
铅笔。 Pencil.
没有脉搏。 No pulse.
没有心跳。 no heartbeat.
情况不改变的话这个人就是死了。 If condition does not change, this man is dead.
没有受虐迹象。 No signs of foul play.
别忙！这是什么？ Hold on! What's this?
你觉得这是什么，皮埃尔? What do you make of this, Perrier?
是毒药, n'est-ce pas?（法语：对吧？） Poison, n'est-ce pas?
不是伴侣，是可可。 Not Nespa, cocoa.
终于，谋杀还是发生了。 At last, we have our murder.
不一定。 Not quite.
双说死者是我们桌前的人。 Twain say murder victim sitting at our table.
管家没在那里。 Butler not at our table.
杀死管家把我们引开…… Butler only killed to divert us
真正的谋杀还没发生。 from real murder still to come.
(BOTH GASP)
(SCREAMS) Look!
有把刀不见了！ A knife is missing!
我打赌是双先生说的那把切肉刀。 The butcher's knife, I'll wager.
这就是说其他人依然有危险。 The others are in danger.
现在的确切时间？ What is exact time, please?
11:31又56秒。 11:31 and 56 seconds.
57秒，58秒... 57, 58...
什么时候停说一声—— Tell me when to stop.
59秒，60秒 59, 60.
主谋杀还有28分钟整！ Twenty-eight minutes to main murder.
赶快回餐厅去。 Back to dining room.
半夜时大家必须在一起。 Must be together at midnight.
等一下。 One moment!
(GASPS)
用手绢。 Handkerchief.
写着什么？ What is it?
死前的话： A bill.
今晚这里的一切都是安排好的， Everything's rented for tonight.
管家、厨师、食物、餐厅的椅子，所有的一切！ The butler, cook, food and chairs.
你是说……？ You mean...
是的，整个谋杀都是事先谋划好的。 This entire murder has been catered.
如果是双在捣鬼，这人一定疯了。 It's Twain's doing. He's crazy.
他是疯，但可不傻。 Ah, yes, but no fool.
希望我们还来得及。 I hope we're in time.
门锁了。 Door locked.
可能山姆·戴蒙德从里面锁了，为了安全起见。 Sam Diamond probably locked it.
戴蒙德脑子很灵光。 Good thinking on Diamond head.
戴蒙德，我是皮埃尔。 Diamond, it's Perrier.
没事了，开门吧！ It's all right. Open up.
戴蒙德, 查尔斯顿, 你们在里面么？ Diamond, Charleston. Are you in there?
赶快，回厨房去，从死管家口袋里找餐厅的钥匙。 Get key from pocket of dead butler.
你没必要说“死”，我要摸他的口袋，感觉已经很不好了。 Don't say "dead." I have to reach into his pocket.
(EXCLAIMS)
Holy merde!（法语脏话） Holy merde!
斯凯富顿小姐! Miss Skeffington!
斯凯富顿小姐！威瑟斯小姐！ Miss Skeffington! Miss Withers!
他不见了！ He is gone.
- 谁不见了？ - 管家。他的尸体消失了。 - Who's gone? - The butler. His body is missing.
这是钥匙。 Here's the key.
既然管家不见，你哪里找到钥匙？ Where you find key?
- 从他口袋里。 - 谁的口袋？ - In his pocket. - What pocket?
管家的口袋。 The butler's pocket.
管家不见了口袋仍在？ Butler gone, but pocket there?
一点没错。 Exactly.
有人偷走了他的尸体，却留下了他的衣服。 Somebody stole his body, but left his clothes.
快打开门。 Quickly! Open the door.
事情越来越不妙了。 Something is wrong here.
咦，大家都哪去了？ Hello! Where is everyone?
房间里都是空的。 Room filled with empty people.
我去试试另一道门。 I'll try the other door.
锁住了，从里面锁上的。 It's locked from the inside.
奇怪。 Strange.
两道门都是从里面锁上，没出去的路。 Both doors locked from inside, yet no way out.
这可不好，我觉得这很不好。 I don't like it. I don't like it one bit!
我觉得很好，可我想不明白。 I like, but don't understand.
或许有另外的方法出去。 Maybe other way out of room.
比如暗道什么的。 Secret passageway, perhaps.
错了，没什么暗道，王先生。 There are no secret passageways, Mr. Wang.
- 你说话了？ - 没有。 - You spoke? - No.
我也没有。 Not me.
我在说话！ I spoke.
啊，在那儿！ Ah! There!
声音从墙上牛头传出来！ Voice come from cow on wall.
是驼鹿！驼鹿！你个傻子！ Moose! Moose, you imbecile!
他们在哪儿？ Where are they?
你把他们怎么了，你这个小矮疯子？ What have you done with the others, you short madman?
啊哈！这么快就难住了。 Ah-ha! Stumped already!
想要点儿提示么，皮埃尔先生? Need some clues, Monsieur Perrier?
提示！我才不要你什么提示。 Clues! I need no clues.
我自己会找到线索，你这个娘娘腔的神经病！ I find my own clues, you demented lollipop!
息怒息怒。和墙上牛头动气， Calm yourself. Man who argue with cow on wall
你的大脑会像没轮子的火车，完全无法开动。 is like train without wheels. Get nowhere.
好吧，我安静。可你那些莫名其妙的格言真够死我了。 Okay, quiet. I'm sick of your fortune cookies.
不喜欢中国格言的人就像…… Man who sick of fortune cookies...
他没听见我说什么吗？ I'm sick of fortune cookies...
别吵了，请安静！ shushing...
牛头又说话了。 Cow talk again.
需要我提示一下吗，马布尔小姐? Need a hint, Miss Marbles?
你们的思路都错了。 You mistake what you assume.
他们原本就没离开餐厅。 They never left the dining room.
各位从一数到十， Count the numbers 1 to 10,
扭动门把重新试。 turn the knob and try again.
(LAUGHING)
这话算什么意思？ What the devil does that mean?
什么叫做“他们原本就没离开餐厅” "They never left the dining room."
他们当然离开了！ Certainly they did.
别被你的思维定式给骗了，马布尔小姐。 Do not mistake what you assume, Miss Marbles.
- 赶快退到大厅里去。 - 干嘛？ - Quick, back out in hall. - Why?
我们设想他们不在这里。 We assume others not here.
但牛头说他们在餐厅里。 Cow say they in room.
那我们就再看一次。 Let's look once more.
请把门关上，皮埃尔先生。 Please close door, Monsieur Perrier.
我想不出这有什么道理…… I cannot see what possible...
请安静。……七……八……九……十， Quiet. 7, 8, 9, 10.
马布尔小姐，麻烦请把门打开。 Miss Marbles, open door, please.
你们去哪儿了，王？我们一直担心呢。 Where were you, Wang? We was worried.
你怎么问我们去那儿了，我们正要问你们呢？ Where were you?
我们一直在这儿啊，你不是说不要我们离开餐厅么？ We were here. You said don't leave.
我们走后你们一直没有离开过？ You haven't left this room?
当然没有。 No.
答案简单， Answer simple,
但问题很难。 but question hard.
管家在哪儿？ Where's the butler?
管家彻底被谋杀了。 Butler completely murdered.
被毒死的。 Poisoned.
但有把切肉刀不见了。 A butcher knife is missing.
我们赶回来告诉你们，可门锁住了。 We came to tell you, but the doors were locked.
我回去在管家的口袋里找钥匙， I wanted the butler's key,
他的尸体不见了。 but his body was missing.
他是完全赤裸的。 He had been stripped naked.
他的衣服留在原来放尸体的地方。 His clothes were left.
我想不明白。 I don't understand.
为什么有人会偷赤裸的尸体呢？ Why would anyone steal a dead, naked body?
亲爱的，世上有那种人…… Well, dear, there are people...
真变态！ That's tacky.
简直太变态了。 That's really tacky.
然后我们回到这里，打开了门， Then we returned here, opened the door,
可房间是空的。 but the room was empty.
你们都不见了。 You were all gone.
(CHUCKLES)
鹿头告诉我们不要以为你们离开了餐厅。 The moose head told us not to assume that you'd left the dining room.
于是我们从一数到十，重新再试。 So we counted to 10 and tried it again.
你们就又出现了！ And here you were.
我并不夸张， I'm not one to use hyperbole,
可我要告诉你们， but I'll tell you this,
这是我生平第一次， for the first time in my life,
被吓得魂不附体了！ I had the ca-ca scared out of me.
我喜欢她，我真的喜欢她。 I like her. I really like her.
(GUNSHOTS) 枪声！
- 枪响，先生。 - 枪响，老爸。 - Gunshots, monsieur. - Gunshots, Pop.
- 枪响，山姆。 - 枪响，迪迪。 - Gunshots, Sam. - Gunshots, Dickie.
好吧！ Shoes!
这次我和查尔斯顿去查看， This time, Charleston and I will go.
其他人都呆在房间里。 Everybody else stay here.
我们走，查尔斯顿。 Let's go, Charleston.
你觉得这次是怎么回事，王？ What do you make of all this, Wang?
迷惑。 Is confusing.
“It”！漏了“It”！你这该死的连代词也说漏！ "It!" "It" is confusing. Say your pronouns!
(SCOFFS)
打开门。 Open the door.
- 老天！ - 怎么了？ - Good God! - What is it?
他又回来了， He's back.
又是赤条条的！ And au naturel.
这不合情理。 I don't get it.
他们先是偷走尸体留下衣服，然后又偷走衣服还回尸体。 First they steal the body and leave the clothes.
谁会这样穷折腾？ Who would steal the clothes and bring the body back?
可能是个疯狂干洗店老板。 Possibly some deranged dry cleaner.
那枪击怎么解释？ What about the gunshots?
已经被毒死的人干嘛还要补一枪？ Why shoot someone who'd been poisoned?
没错，我们确实听到枪声了，可没看见弹孔啊。 True. We heard gunshots, but I don't see any bullet holes.
头啊脖子后背胸脯……都没有。 Not in his head, his neck, his back or his chest.
通体检查一遍。 Look all over him.
通体检查？ All over his body?
总得有人干吧，我负责警戒。 Somebody has to do it.
我来警戒好了，你做通体检查。 I'll stand guard. You look.
也好，我们轮换着来。 All right. We'll take turns.
你来检查第一个发现的裸尸， Search the first naked body.
我检查第二个。 I'll search the second one we find.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
抓紧吧，只有八分钟时间。 Hurry up. We only got eight minutes.
(GROANS)
找到什么没有？ You see anything?
没有，没发现有弹孔。 I don't see a bullet hole.
慢着！有发现了。 Hold it, I see something.
什么发现？ What is it?
算了，搞错了。不是弹孔。 Forget it. My mistake. Not a bullet hole.
如果他没中弹，那开枪干什么？ Then what about the shots?
分而击之。 Divide and conquer.
- 啥？ - 又一次转移视线。 - What? - Another diversion.
他用错误的线索迷惑我们，让我们疲于奔命 He gives us meaningless clues
到终了一无所获，而同时 and dangles red herrings before our eyes
宝贵的时间却在不停地流失， as precious seconds tick away.
直到真正可怕的谋杀降临。 Another murder is still to come.
你我风格不同，但你很聪明，身上的气味也不错。 You're not my type of cop, but you smell good.
你不是个假货，我很清楚。可你到底是个什么样的人？ If you're not a pansy, what are you?
优雅高贵，比方说。 Classy, I suppose.
淑女经常会被你这种人迷倒，是吧。 Dames love guys like you.
我不明白你为什么突然说这些…… I don't see what possibly...
- 你有过情妇么？ - 你说什么？ - You ever make it with a waitress? - What?
情妇。 A waitress.
高大肥硕的情妇。 A big fat waitress.
我不知道那些上流贵妇在床上什么样， I don't know about society dames,
只有和一个高大肥硕的金发情妇干过才知道什么滋味。 but you ain't had it until you've made it with a fat waitress.
如果你感兴趣，我等你的电话。 If you're interested, give me a call.
可笑的小怪人。 Bizarre little twit.
依然搞不定这家伙是什么样的人。 I'm not sure about him.
你要干什么？ What are you doing?
- 洗手，刚干完那个…… - 好吧。 - My hands need washing. - Good.
一会儿就出来。 I'll be right out.
我先进去，告诉其它人。 I'll tell them.
各位，你们绝对想不到会…… You're never going to believe this.
好啦，你们在哪儿？ All right, where are you?
这到底是怎么回事？ What the hell is going on?
查尔斯顿，先别忙着洗手了，又出事了。 Charleston, wash up later. We've got problems.
从里面锁住。 Locked from the inside.
这只能说明一件事， That can only mean one thing,
而我不明白这是怎么回事…… and I don't know what it is.
查尔斯顿! Charleston!
你绝对不会相信…… You'll never believe...
(GROWLING)
我说过一会就好！ I'll be right out!
我记得刚才没关门啊…… I don't remember closing that door.
发生什么事了？ What happened?
枪声是怎么回事？ What were the gunshots?
我们走了以后，有人离开过房间么？ Did anybody leave?
看来你们也遇上了，戴蒙德先生。 It happened to you, too?
我的迪迪哪去了？ Where's my Dickie?
对不起，我的丈夫在哪儿？ Sorry. Where's my husband?
还有两分钟到半夜，只是提醒一下。 Two minutes to midnight, if anyone's interested.
我告诉你这不可能！ It ain't possible.
有八个人的餐厅， Eight people in a dining room
不可能一下子就空了。 can't suddenly disappear.
除非…… Unless...
除非什么, 山姆? What?
除非它根本就没发生。 Unless it never happened.
我明白你的意思了，戴蒙德。 I see your point, Diamond.
一个餐厅里有人，一个餐厅里没有人—— When is a full dining room not full?
就是说有两个餐厅！ When there's two dining rooms.
正解。 Exactly!
两个餐厅？ Two dining rooms?
餐厅两个，所有东西都成双。 Two dining rooms, two of everything.
双先生，电子天才。 Twain electronic genius.
他发明一种方法让这个房间无声无息地…… He has devised a way to move this room quickly and silently,
一眨眼的功夫，就被替换成另一个与这个房间一摸一样的房间。 in the flash of an eye, to be replaced by an identical room.
我就知道是这么回事！ I knew it!
我可以演示一下。 Please. I shall demonstrate.
我走出房间，关上门，敲三下，走进来，你们就都不见了。 I'll walk out the door, return, and you will all be gone.
看好了。 Observe.
我全搞清楚了， I've figured it out.
所有的一切都是两个。 There are two of everything.
算了吧，迪迪，别人都知道了。 Oh, Dickie, that's old news.
好啦，每个人都回自己的座位。 Everybody take your seats.
我害怕，山姆。扶住我。 I'm scared, Sam. Hold me.
自己扶吧，我正忙着呢。 Hold yourself. I'm busy.
回你原来的座位。 Sit in your same seat.
还剩40秒，真担心皮埃尔先生！ 40 seconds! I'm worried about Monsieur Perrier.
我去找他。 I'll look for him.
坐下，谁也不许离开房间。 No one to leave room.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
是另一扇门。 No, it's the other door.
锁住了，打不开。 It's locked. I can't open it.
快点儿，各位。还剩15秒。 Hurry! We have 15 seconds.
把手拿开，司机。 Move your hand, chauffeur.
别问我问题！ Don't ask me!
你怎么穿着管家的衣服？ Why the butler's uniform?
- 我说了别问我！ - 我也不知道 - I said don't ask me! - I don't know.
事情发生的太快了。 It all happened too quickly.
厨娘！厨娘哪儿去了？ The cook. Where's the cook?
她一声不响地走了。 Gone! Never said a word.
还剩10秒，快坐下，拉起手！ Ten more seconds. Sit and join hands.
这样谋杀就不能逃过我们的眼睛。 Impossible for murder to happen now without witnesses.
Three, two, one! 3…… 2…… 1
(CLOCK CHIMING)
(CHIMING CONTINUES)
(NERVOUS LAUGHTER)
(SIGHING IN RELIEF)
过去了。我们都活得好好的。 It's over. We're safe and sound.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
可能是厨娘……进来吧。 That's probably the cook. Come in.
亲爱的，那个可怜的女人听不见。 The woman is deaf.
对不起，我忘了。进来！ I'm sorry, I forgot. Come in!
听起来不像是厨娘。 Not sound like cook to me.
啊，双先生。 Ah, Mr. Twain!
你好像错了。 You appear to be wrong.
这里没人被谋杀，请入内。 Nobody here murdered. Please come in.
(ALL SCREAMING)
他死了么？ Is he dead?
后背插那么个大家伙，长远看还是死了好。 If he's not, he should be.
- 保护现场！ - 你能不能不说“保护现场”，这里的人都是犯罪学者。 - Touch nothing! - Stop saying "touch nothing."
这话既无礼又贬损又多余。 We're experienced criminologists.
什么叫“保护现场”？ It's insulting to say "touch nothing."
- 得了吧，老娘们。 - 你也得了吧，老爷们。 - Be quiet, woman! - Up yours, fellow!
真有趣。 Most amusing.
真有趣，侦探吵架就像涮大羊肉汤—— Bickering detectives like making giant lamb stew.
都煮成一锅！ Everything go to pot.
你干吗不安静一点？ Why don't you be quiet?
(ALL BICKERING)
(GUN FIRES)
安静！ Quiet!
好啦，所有的人，都不许动！ Stay where you are, everybody.
- 你又怎么了？ - 我要再冒险去查看一趟。 - What? - I'm going to the can.
我不想漏掉什么。 I don't want to miss nothing.
我和你一起去。 I'm going, too.
最好我一个人去， I'd rather do this alone.
不过还是要谢谢你。 Thanks anyway.
是厨娘。 The cook.
你说什么，亲爱的？ What, darling?
这太明显了，是厨娘杀死了他。 The cook murdered him.
管家已经死了，除了厨娘一个人，我们大家当时都在这个房间里。 The butler's dead. She wasn't in this room.
没人进来也没人出去。 No one else could get out.
我说的对吗？ Right?
- 错了。 - 噢？ - Wrong. - Oh?
你怎么说得这么肯定，戴蒙德? What makes you certain?
刀插得那么深，需要有强壮的右臂，这条手臂看上去可不怎么有力气。 This arm isn't strong enough to force a knife that far up a man's back.
(ALL SCREAM)
那是厨娘的手臂吗？ Is that the cook's arm?
反正不是那个母猫的尾巴，女士。 It ain't the pussycat's tail.
噢！ Oh!
别害怕，小姐。不是真的。 Don't be alarmed. It ain't real.
当然也就不是真厨娘了。 Neither is the cook.
我还没走到厕所就找到了这个， I found this before I got to the can.
又会让各位大吃一惊。 I have a surprise for you.
(ALL GASP)
- 是服装模特。 - 不，是蜡人。 - A mannequin. - No, a dummy!
做得很精细，除了不能说话，几乎和真人一模一样。 Perfect in every detail, except she couldn't hear or speak.
我的帽子跑到背上插把刀那家伙头上去了， I congratulate the murder victim.
虽说他死了，他可不傻。 Except for being dead, he was no dope.
明察秋毫嘛，山姆。 Nice going, Sam.
我想大家都该意识到了，凶手就在我们当中，在这个房间里。 I hope everyone realizes someone in here is a murderer.
因为女士在场， For sake of ladies,
我能否提议大家都回到起居间去。 let's return to drawing room.
让我儿子把双先生的尸体收拾一下。 My son will cover Twain.
为什么让我来干脏活，老爸? Why do I do the dirty work?
因为你妈不在这，不然就让她干了。走吧，各位。 Because your mother not here. Come, please.
请原谅。 Excuse me.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
我有些头疼，迪迪。 I'm getting a headache.
能不能想办法把那个可笑的机器关了？ Can't we turn off that machine?
那个装置可能在户外。 Maybe there's some gadget outside the window.
真对不起，亲爱的，现在外面下雨呢。 Sorry, it's raining this time.
我提议现在大家拿出专业水平，揭破事实真相。 Let's sort the facts.
现在是星期天凌晨12:30。 It's now 12:30 a.m.
门和窗户都会在黎明时分自动开启。 Doors and windows open at dawn.
我们当中某人会增添一百万数额的财富， One of us will be $1 million richer.
另外也会有个人被送进煤气室，吊死。 One will go to the gas chamber and hang.
- 就一个人，皮埃尔先生？ - 为什么不是两个？ - One, monsieur? - Why not two?
我们都有个伴儿。 We all have associates.
为什么不是4个、6个、8个人？ Why not four or six or eight?
我看你们都可疑。 I don't trust any of you.
可能就我一个冤大头，被你们串通好了让我出丑。可我不吃这一套，听明白了吗？ I'm not taking the fall, you understand?
你把我也算进去了，山姆? Not even for me, Sam?
你能不能爱上这个日本小子，从此别再缠着我？ Why don't you fall in love with the Jap?
我们回到案情上来好吗？ Get back to case, please.
时间很晚了，我的眼皮开始撑不住了。 Time is late, and my eyes are getting tired.
你的眼皮一直就那样。 I thought they always looked like that.
别那么粗鲁，山姆! Knock it off, Sam!
我道歉，这案子让我有些失态。 This case is getting on my nerves.
对不起，中国佬。 I'm sorry, slanty.
谢谢。现在列一下事实，事实。 Thank you. Now then, facts, please.
双先生预言谋杀会发生。 Mr. Twain predicts murder.
还预言死者就在餐桌前。 lso predicts victim at dining table.
- 没错？ - 没错。 - Correct? - Correct.
对不起亲爱的，这次是正式的。没错。 Sorry. This is official. Correct.
还预言谋杀时间在半夜，预言死者将挨多少刀。 Also predicts time of murder and number of stab wounds.
除非和凶手串通，否则这一切怎么可能呢？ How can this be unless he in collaboration with murderer?
难道双先生就不能独自作案么？ Maybe Twain did it.
谋杀他自己？ Murdered himself?
那会是出于什么动机？又如何做到？ For what possible reason? And how?
动机很简单，自大狂。 The motive is simple. Ego.
如果我们无法破案， If we couldn't solve this crime,
他将被封为这世上最了不起的侦探。 he would be named the world's foremost detective.
他太想得到这个桂冠， With his ego,
哪怕为此付出生命，也在所不惜。 having to die for it would seem a small price.
至于如何做到的， As to how,
一个能设计出如此精巧电子机关的人， any man who can create these electronic marvels
肯定能设计出某种机器，用刀在他后背捅上11到12下。 could devise a machine to stab himself in the back.
推理太精彩了，亲爱的。我真为你骄傲。我们赶紧去睡觉吧。 Wonderful, darling. Let's go to bed.
请等一下。 One moment, please.
推理很有趣，查尔斯顿先生， Very interesting theory, Mr. Charleston,
可惜你忽略了重要的一点。 but you overlook one very important point.
愿闻其详？ What?
它很愚蠢。 Is stupid.
这是我听过的最愚蠢的推理！ Is most stupid theory I ever heard.
(CHUCKLES)
你有更高明的推理么？ Do you have a better one?
当然有。 Oh, yes.
而且高明多了。你知道，我事先做了一些功课，查尔斯顿先生。 Much better one. I have been doing my homework.
举个例子，我得知 For example, I have information
你用妻子的钱搞的股市投资 that your wife's portfolio of stocks
在最近的金融危机中受损严重，几乎赔光了。 was seriously depleted in latest financial crisis.
一句话，你破产了，查尔斯顿先生。 In short, you are broke, Mr. Charleston.
过去两年中你一直在借钱，利息17%的高利贷, 债主是莱昂内尔·双先生。 You have been borrowing money at 17% interest from Mr. Lionel Twain.
破产了，迪迪，是真的么？ Dickie, is this true?
我一直不想告诉你，亲爱的。原打算等你过生日的时候。 I was waiting until your birthday.
一百万美元，你可以买一大堆笔挺的服装， $1 million would buy great many tight suits,
是不是啊，查尔斯顿先生? would it not, Mr. Charleston?
- 你就消停些吧，王！ - 全赔光了，迪迪？ - See here, Wang. - Dead broke, Dickie?
没全光，亲爱的，我还有一块一毛七和一些邮票。 Almost, darling. I have $1.17 and some stamps.
可我没谋杀莱昂内尔·双！ But I did not murder Lionel Twain.
这点你不会怀疑我吧，亲爱的？ You believe that, don't you, darling?
再说吧，看看再。 We'll talk. We'll see.
凶手可能是你们任何人， It could have been any one of you.
我们当中每个曾离开过餐厅的人都可怀疑，都有充足的机会作案。 Each of us left that room, giving ample opportunity.
至于说动机，绝不止自大和金钱两种， As for motives, there's more than ego and cash involved.
比方说——报复。 For example, revenge.
意思什么，查尔斯顿先生？ Meaning what, Mr. Charleston?
意思就是，我决不是唯一一个过去与双先生有关联的人。 I'm not the only one who's had experience with Mr. Twain.
你们知不知道，当年他也曾是个很有女人缘的人？ Did you know that he was once quite a ladies' man?
你是不是暗示在座的某位女士？ Are you suggesting that someone here...
曾经爱上过莱昂内尔·双！ Was once in love with Lionel Twain.
实际上，他先是与其订婚，而后又甩了她。她就是—— He was engaged to and jilted Miss Jessica Marbles.
Mon Dieu!（法语：乖乖！） (EXCLAIMS IN FRENCH)
老天大爷！ Jesus H. Christ!
54年前就在教堂门前甩了她， Jilted 54 years ago at the altar
当时她就穿着这身宽松的花呢外套。 in that same baggy tweed outfit.
- 是真的吗，杰西? - 我没被甩。 - Is this true, Jessie? - I was not jilted.
是我当众甩了他。 I walked out on him.
他在婚前就想乱来。 He wanted to fool around before the wedding.
作为淑女，你当然坚决拒绝。 Being the lady you are, you refused.
也不完全是，只是有点失控。 Not completely. But it got out of hand.
他是讨厌，可我没杀他。 He was horrid, but I didn't kill him.
她的解释我能接受。 That's good enough for me.
你觉得呢，法国佬？ What do you think, Frenchie?
我不是法国佬！我是比利时佬！ I'm not a Frenchie. I'm a Belgie.
应该还有别的动机吧，比如杀父情结。 As for other motives, how about patricide?
杀自己的亲生父亲？ Killing one's own parent?
你是说莱昂内尔·双是在座某人的父亲？ Lionel Twain was the father of someone in this room?
他不是我的父亲， He wasn't my father.
他是我的伯父。 He was my uncle.
他对我很好。 He was very good to me.
常带我去马戏团，还给我糖果。 He would take me to the circus.
他一直都带我去，直到我26岁。 We stopped going when I was about 26.
对不起，山姆。 I'm sorry, Sam.
26岁？你们看的什么马戏节目啊！ Twenty-six? What the hell kind of circus?
对不起， Forgive me.
对不起，我刚才说的是“杀父情结”，不是“杀伯情结”。 I was talking about patricide, not unclecide.
你可以是双先生的侄女，斯凯富顿小姐， Monsieur Twain may have been your uncle, Miss Skeffington,
但这不妨碍某人是他的私生子，西德尼·王先生！ but he was the illegitimate father of Monsieur Sidney Wang.
这不是真的。 Is not true.
我是他收养的。 I was adopted.
我有证明文件。 I have my papers.
所以后来我也只收养孩子。 That's why I adopted all my children.
我说呢。 I was wondering.
噢…… Oh...
他很爱我， He love me very much,
可他但他不是很善于观察。 but he was not very observant.
有一天，当时我十九岁， When I was 19,
他把我叫到书房， he called me to his study,
一抬头，这才发现我是东方人， noticed for first time I was Oriental,
当场就把我踢出大门，我当时真想…… and kicked me out of house. I could have...
杀了他，王先生。 Killed him, Monsieur Wang.
没你那么急切，皮埃尔先生。 As easily as you, Mr. Perrier.
莱昂内尔·双毁了你这世上的唯一所爱…… Lionel Twain killed the only thing you ever loved,
玛丽·露依丝 Cartier. Marie-Louise Cartier.
(WHIMPERING)
你的情人？ Your sweetheart?
我的狮子狗。 My poodle.
他是个最残忍的家伙。 He was a most cruel man.
双先生每年要来法国四趟， Monsieur Twain came to France every season.
专门猎杀狮子狗。 To hunt poodles.
那天他们找到了血染的项圈带回来给我， When they brought me her bloodied sequined collar,
我发誓有一天我会…… I vowed I would...
- 干掉他？ - 我是想，假如有机会的话， - Knock him off? - Yes. Gladly, if I could.
可我没做。 But I did not.
现在有人想用这个陷害我。 Someone here beat me to it.
看来我们被邀请到这里来都另有原因， So there's more than one reason we was invited.
并不仅仅是要检测我们的侦探技能， Twain was testing our skills as detectives,
而我们都有杀死这个老家伙的合理动机。 and we all have motives for doing him in.
还没听过你的动机，戴蒙德先生。 Have not yet heard your motive, Mr. Diamond.
我的动机不重要， My motive is unimportant.
简单说吧，我也恨他恨到了想杀死他的地步。 Let's just say I hated him enough to kill him.
关键时候三缄其口，戴蒙德先生， You are closed man, Mr. Diamond.
城府很深啊。 You hide many things.
是不是被双先生抓住了什么把柄？ Could it be that Mr. Twain discover your secret?
不明白你在胡扯些什么。 I don't know what you're talking about.
我们知道的情况似乎不是这样，对不对，斯凯富顿小姐？ We know different, do we not, Miss Skeffington?
双在同性恋酒吧逮住了山姆。 Twain met Sam in a gay bar.
我在那儿办案！是工作！ I was working on a case. Working!
一连六个月每天晚上？ Every night for six months?
每天为了50大圆我容易么？ For 50 bucks a day and expenses.
我讨厌那些同性恋。 I hate them queeries.
双还拍了一些山姆的慢镜头短片…… Twain had Polaroid pictures of Sam in drag.
我在卧底！ I was in disguise.
有很多贵夫人去那种场所的。 Lots of dames go in those joints.
我从没和人接过吻， I never kissed nobody.
我对女人都不做的事情，怎么会对男人做呢。 I never did nothing to a man that I wouldn't do to a woman.
而且我也没杀双！ And I never killed Twain.
婊子！ Bitch.
非常有趣， Most interesting.
都有杀双的完美动机， All had perfect motives for killing Twain.
好奇到底是谁动手了呢？ Wonder which one was one who done it.
还有整整一个晚上呢， We still have the night to get through.
不管这个案子最终是谁破的， If anyone is going to solve this case,
我提议大家还是先好好睡一觉吧。 I say we all get a good night's sleep.
我提议大家还要把房门锁上， I suggest we all lock our doors.
我们当中有一个疯狂的凶手， One of us is a mad killer,
可不能大意了。 not to be trusted.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
(DOOR LOCKS)
老爸? Pop?
嗯? Yeah?
你觉得谁是凶手？ Who do you think is the murderer?
睡梦中再思考。 Must sleep on it.
明早醒来时就知道了。 Will know in morning when wake up.
你要是醒不过来怎么办？ What if you don't wake up?
那你就死了。 Then you did it.
睡吧。 Go sleep, please.
晚安，老爸。 Good night, Dad.
闭嘴，你这个收养的猫仔。 Should have adopted pussycat.
(HISSING)
我把暖气关了吧, 老爸? Should I turn off the steam, Pop?
(HISSING CONTINUES)
不是暖气。 Not steam.
某人刚刚放了一条毒蛇进来。 Someone just put deadly snake in room.
等它靠近床的时候叫醒我。 Wake me when it come near bed.
我只想对你说，就算你是凶手， Dickie, darling, if you're the murderer,
我仍然还会爱你。 I'll still love you.
我觉得今晚就不必亲热了， It wouldn't be right for us to make love,
可我还仍然爱你。 but I'd still love you.
别担心我，宝贝。我们来把事情整理一下： No fear of that. Let's see what we have...
一个全身赤裸又失踪了的管家； One missing, dead, naked butler,
一个背上插着厨刀的主人； one host with a knife in his back
还有……一只爬上我们被单的毒蝎子。 and one poisonous scorpion crawling up our sheets.
真的有毒么？ Is that what that is?
是的，能让人瞬间毙命。 Yes. They can kill instantly.
我们最好保持不动。 I suggest we don't move.
保持多长时间？ For how long?
很可能要保持一辈子了。 Possibly the rest of our lives.
老天，我知道凶手是谁了。 Good heavens! I know who it is!
破案了？ Solvey-poo?
是的，威瑟斯小姐。 Yes, Miss Withers.
凶手就是…… The murderer is...
老天，瓦斯味！ Good God! Gas!
对不起，我忍不住，我老了。 I'm sorry. I can't help it. I'm old.
不，不是你吸的那种， No, the other kind of gas.
是那种能杀人的毒瓦斯！ The kind that kills!
有时候我的瓦斯也这味…… Sometimes my gas...
好像是从通风道传进来的。 It's coming in through the vent.
(COUGHING)
从外面锁住了。 It's locked from the outside.
救命！ Help!
我觉得并不那么难闻嘛。 It doesn't smell that bad to me.
救命！ Help!
今天我没捅娄子吧，山姆？抖出同性恋酒吧那一段效果如何？ Did I do right, Sam, telling them about the gay bar?
棒极了。 Perfect.
心肝。他们都上当了， They took the bait like a dumb halibut.
让他们以为我是娘娘腔好了， Let them think I'm a pansy.
他们光顾着怀疑我， While they're suspecting me,
其中某人自己的裤子就要掉了。 one of them will let his pants down.
山姆，为什么你的办公室有那么多肌肉男杂志？ Sam, why do you keep naked muscle-man magazines?
嫌疑人，我每时每刻都在找嫌疑人。 Suspects. Always looking for suspects.
(TICKING)
那个“嘀哒嘀哒”声是怎么回事？ What's that ticking sound I hear?
你听到的那个“嘀哒”声，戴蒙德先生，是你房间里的炸弹。 "It is a bomb in your room"
还有30秒起爆。签名：凶手 "that will go off in 30 seconds." Signed, "The murderer."
快打开门！ Quick, Sam, the door!
PS：门锁上了。 "P.S. The door is locked."
把你拖进这种境地，我很难过， I'm sorry about this, Tess.
该死，我还欠着你那么多钱。 And me owing you all that money, too.
没关系的，山姆。眼下我们怎么办？ That's okay. What can we do?
我有个主意。我还拿不准是否管用， I got an idea. I don't know whether this will work.
- 快点儿，转过身去！ - 我转过身了，山姆。 - Quick! Turn around! - I'm turned, Sam.
无论发生什么事，都不要转过身来。 Whatever happens, don't turn back.
可是, 山姆, 假如…… But, Sam, if anything...
- 照我说的做，天使。 - 我听你的。 - Do as I say! - I will, Sam.
我马上就要……就要哭了。 Good, because I think I'm gonna cry.
(SAM SOBBING)
(HUMMING)
你在我床上干什么？ What are you doing here?
没有别的地方可以睡觉，先生。 There's no place else to sleep.
到车上去睡，你不是司机嘛。去，去！ Sleep in the car, you chauffeur. Go, go!
你这样不公平。 You aren't fair.
我可要把你戴假发的事告诉他们了。 I will tell everyone about your toupee.
他们已经知道了。 They already know.
那你干嘛还要戴？ Then why wear it?
我以为你还不知道。 I didn't know you knew.
我当然知道， Certainly I know.
你那可怕的假发。 It's a terrible toupee.
(EXPLOSION)
是炸弹，大厅那边！ A bomb across the hall!
快点儿，开门，开门！ Quickly. The door! The door!
锁上了。从外边锁上了。 It's locked from the outside.
你看上去高了些。怎么回事？ You look taller to me. Why is that?
我也不知道，先生。我不再长个了。 I don't understand. I'm not getting taller.
如果你没在长个， If you aren't getting taller,
那就只有一个解释了…… there is only one alternative.
房间正在变矮！ The room is getting shorter.
(EXCLAIMS IN FRENCH)
噢天哪，天花板掉下来了！ The ceiling is coming down!
(SHRIEKING)
- 我们怎么办？ - 我不知道！ - What will we do? - I don't know.
不过……他们取鹅肝就是用这种方法吧？ But this is how they make goose liver pate.
(SCREAMING)
没这么快。 Not so fast, please.
先别忙着划掉王的名字。 Do not cross out Wang name.
划掉蛇的名字吧。 Cross out snake instead.
好枪法，老爸。 Nice shot, Pop.
当时真怕你睡得太死了。 Sure wish I weren't such a heavy sleeper.
现在…… And now,
请你…… if you please,
拿一百万来，本森夫仁先生。 $1 million, Mr. Bensonmum.
Banzai, 老爸! Banzai, Pop!
你很聪明嘛，王先生。 Very clever of you, Mr. Wang.
哦，是的，正如你看到的……我能看。 Oh, yes. As you can see, I can see.
我也看明白了。 So I see.
告诉我，作为唯一的幸存者，你怎么推出是我的？ Tell me, how did you deduce it was me?
一种旧式的读者推理方法—— Went back to theory seldom used today.
“凶手是管家”。 Butler did it.
哦，这点儿我倒是疏忽了。 I hadn't thought of that.
那你怎么解释我在厨房的尸体？ How do you account for my body in the kitchen?
塑胶做的，和塑胶厨娘一样。 Body made of plastic, same as plastic cook.
我们研究塑胶管家的时候， While we examine plastic butler,
你趁机谋杀了莱昂内尔·双。 you murder Lionel Twain.
你真是个聪明的小洗衣房老板，王先生。 You're a clever little laundryman, Mr. Wang.
但是还不够聪明。 But not quite clever enough!
这一百万还是让我来拿吧， I'll take that $1 million,
什么本森夫仁，明明是欧文·高曼！ Bensonmum, alias Irving Goldman.
欧文·高曼？ Irving Goldman?
正是，欧文·高曼是已故的莱昂内尔·双的律师。 Yes. Irving Goldman was the attorney of the late Lionel Twain.
莱昂内尔·双五年前就去世了， Lionel Twain died five years ago.
他的尸体最近在高曼的文件柜里找到了。 His body was recently found in Goldman's filing cabinet.
我没说错吧，高曼先生？ Am I correct, Mr. Goldman?
你说的没错，马布尔小姐， Yeah. Correct, Miss Marbles.
不过你是怎么逃过毒瓦斯的？ But how did you escape the poison gas?
很简单，我捂住嘴巴， Quite simple. I covered my mouth
让威瑟斯小姐把瓦斯都吸了！ and let Miss Withers breathe in the gas.
噢，倒霉案子…… Sicky-poo.
是啊，亲爱的，我知道。 Yes, dear, I know.
请把一百万给我。 The million dollars, please.
我要是你就不会给她，高曼先生，真的是高曼么？ I wouldn't, Goldman. Or is it Goldman?
实际上是会计师马文·梅斯先生。 Actually, it's Mr. Marvin Metzler.
马文·梅斯? Marvin Metzler?
不错，查尔斯顿先生， Very good, Mr. Charleston,
不过你是怎么知道的？ but how did you know?
死管家手里的字条写着， The bill in the dead butler's hand
整个周末都是预先设计好的， said the entire weekend was catered.
只有会计师干事才会事先做计划。 Only an accountant would save that.
- 迪迪，拿了钱就走吧。 - 让我再说几句。 - Get the money. Let's go. - In a moment, darling.
高曼上个月滑雪时死了， Goldman died last month while skiing.
他跳进200英尺低的飞行飞机。 He jumped 200 feet into a low-flying plane.
迪迪，我不能再等了。 I can't wait much longer.
宝刀不老啊，查尔斯顿先生， You've not lost your touch, Mr. Charleston,
可你们是如何躲过毒蝎子的? but how did you elude the deadly scorpion?
噢，没躲过，朵拉被咬了， We didn't. He stung Dora.
我们必须在15分钟内找到医生。 We've 15 minutes to get help.
- 你以后再解释不行吗，迪迪？快走吧。 - 来得及的，亲爱的，别担心。 - Explain later, Dickie. - We'll make it, darling. Never fear.
梅斯先生，这奖金—— The money, Mr. Metzler?
属于我！先生们， Belongs to me, monsieur!
我的马歇尔，可是世界上最强壮的人, Marcel is one of the world's strongest men.
他顶住了那个想害死我们的天花板， He stopped your ceiling from crushing us at 4'5".
恐怕得花几个月的时间才能将我们重新拉直， It may be months before we straighten up again,
还好一百万能让我们买不少吊带。 but $1 million will buy a lot of back braces.
对吗——艾琳·双小姐， Right, Miss Irene Twain,
莱昂内尔的女儿？ daughter of Lionel?
什么？ What?
我宁愿别人叫我丽塔。 I prefer to be called Rita.
可你是怎么看穿的？ How did you know?
永远别小看法国人的嗅觉，双小姐， Never underestimate a Frenchman's nostrils, Miss Twain.
在今晚的餐桌前……我闻到了你的香奈儿五号香水。 At dinner tonight, I smelled your Chanel No. 5.
其他几个人都是你干掉的： It was you who did away with all of them!
梅斯，高曼还有你的父亲。 Metzler, Goldman and your father.
实际上如果有可能的话， In fact, if you had your way,
你会干掉这世上所有的男人。 you'd like to do away with all men,
我说得没错吧，双小姐？ wouldn't you, Miss Twain?
那些让你感到羞辱和难过的男人， Men have made you ashamed and made you suffer
因为你生来就拥有一切：智慧，才华，金钱， because you were born with brains, talent, money,
什么都有，唯独没有你最想得到的…… everything but what you most desired,
美貌。 beauty.
我只是陈述事实，双小姐，你要是个男人嘛，还过得去， Miss Twain, as a man, you are barely passable,
但作为女人， but as a woman,
你就是条狗。 you are a dog.
那是你的看法……大男孩。 That's your opinion, big boy.
请把钱给我吧， And now my money, please.
来得及的话，我想把晚餐安排在马克西姆酒店。 With luck, I can still arrive at Maxim's in time for dinner.
我要是你的话，就只敢点一盘金枪鱼三明治， Just order a tuna sandwich!
因为那一沓钞票属于我。 That dough belongs to me.
没错，我还活得好好的， I'm alive and kicking.
斯凯富顿小姐把你的炸弹扔厕所里了， Miss Skeffington dropped your bomb down the toilet.
她刚放水就炸了， It exploded as she flushed.
飞起的马桶离她的脑袋就差一英寸。 The seat barely missed her head.
(COUGHING)
别说了，J.J. I'm all right, J.J.
J.J.? J.J.?
没错，伙计们，他把我们大家都耍了。 That's right, folks. He outsmarted us all.
坐在那张桌子后面的是真正的山姆·戴蒙德， The real Sam Diamond is behind that desk.
我是鲁米斯，J.J.鲁米斯。我是个演员。 My name is Loomis, J.J. Loomis. I'm an actor.
在这里虚张声势罢了。 I do impressions.
我去年在卡森剧场出演过六场， I've done the Carson Show six times.
戴蒙德这个周末雇了我，为他做事。 Diamond hired me for the weekend.
这位斯凯富顿小姐实际上是威尔玛·诺曼， Miss Skeffington is Vilma Norman,
在卡梅尔水床酒店当鸡尾酒服务生。 a cocktail waitress at the waterbed motel.
- Hi - Hello - Hi. - Hello.
这个戴蒙德恨你们大家，你们一个个富得流油。 Diamond hated all of you. You all earned big money.
而他只在三藩市有一间穷酸的办公室， Diamond had that crummy San Francisco office.
如果他这次把你们都比下去了，就可以抢走你们那些富人客户。 If he proved he was best, he'd get your rich clients.
既然我已经把所有碎片都拼起来了， But since I figured it out,
我想那笔钱该属于我了吧？ I figure that money belongs to me.
我说的对不，戴蒙德先生? Isn't that right, Mr. Diamond?
错。 Wrong.
照你说的那样也太浅显了，小孩子都猜得出来。 That would have been too obvious.
不，我亲爱的同行们，你们都忽略了 My dear colleagues, what you all seem to overlook
一个最简单、最直接的解决方法， is the most simple solution.
因为我实际上就是 I am indeed
莱昂内尔·双。 Lionel Twain.
(ALL GASP)
长久以来你们一直是那样聪明， You've all been so clever for so long,
你们都忘记了低调谦虚。 you've forgotten to be humble.
多年来你花样百出地捉弄读者， You've tricked and fooled your readers for years.
为了出人意表你们尽搞些没有道理的结局， You've tortured us with surprise endings that made no sense.
而你甚至在书的最后五页 You've introduced characters in the last chapter
还让从未露头的新角色上场。 that weren't in the book before.
至于你，总是藏起线索隐瞒信息， You've left out clues and information
让我们根本无法猜出凶手。 that we needed to guess who did it.
现在可好，桌子翻过来了， But now the tables are turned.
成百万愤怒的神秘小说读者， Millions of angry mystery readers
总算出了一口恶气。 are now getting their revenge.
当他们得知你们被我捉弄的惨样， When the world learns I've outsmarted you,
他们会把你们1块9毛5一本的书，1毛2分钱就转让别人。 they'll be selling your $1.95 books for 12 cents.
你们可以结账走人了，女士们先生们。 It's check-out time, ladies and gentlemen.
账单都为你们准备好了， I have your bills ready.
同时也接受信用卡付款。 Credit cards will be accepted.
这么说连蝎子也是假的啦？ The scorpion was a fake?
都是，桥啦，厨娘啦。 Everything. The bridge, the maid.
你敢确定蝎子是假的？ You're sure about the scorpion?
完全确定，甚至连雾气都是假的， Positive. Even the fog.
是他用干冰器造出来的。你自己看嘛。 He made the fog with dry ice. Look.
真是一点儿都不浪漫。 How awfully unromantic!
如果说他是真的莱昂内尔·双， If he was Lionel Twain,
你一定就是山姆·戴蒙德。 you must really be Sam Diamond.
没错，宝贝。 Right.
我伪装了一层又一层，再一层…… I was in disguise, in disguise, in disguise.
就一天50美元来说，你这次够卖力的。 You work hard in this racket.
我猜以后我们不再见面了，山姆？ Will we be seeing each other again?
得看情况，你如果需要我，我随时侍奉。 Well, that depends. I'll be around if you need me.
你只需吹一声口哨就行。 All you got to do is whistle.
你会吹口哨吧，宝贝？ You do know how to whistle?
当然会。你什么意思？我不太明白？ Certainly. What do you mean?
算了，忘了吧。你把气氛破坏了。 Never mind. You ruined it.
我不明白，老爸。到底发没发生谋杀？ I don't understand. Was there a murder?
发生了。干掉了一个好周末。 Yes. Killed good weekend.
请开车。 Drive, please.
(LAUGHING)